Probably one of the most common, but so unspoken, illnesses in the world is depression. Depression rules the lives of so many people every day. Living with illnesses like depression and anxiety does affect every aspect of a person’s life, but no one seems to want to even say the word.
I was probably 13 when I started experiencing my first bouts of depression. Of course I was 13, so nothing on the planet was going to stop me from acting cool in front of my friends. So I hid behind excuses like puberty, hormones, and phrases like “oh my god my parents are sooooo dummmb.”
Current-me wants to shake 13-year-old me and politely yell, “Get some help!”
I never understood why I was always so upset. I had a pretty good life – my parents were awesome, I had good friends. Sure, things were never awesome all around, but that’s everyone’s life, right? I never told anyone that I would sit in my room and cry for no reason almost every day after school, or that the reason I was taking so long in the shower every night was so that I could sit there and cry, and after I got out I would have an excuse for my face being wet and my eyes so red. But even after all the time spent in health class learning about the symptoms, I would never admit that I was depressed. I didn’t even think to myself that it was depression.
In my hometown, depression was very taboo. Any time anyone was brave enough to say they were depressed, people would say, “Oh, they just want attention” or they would ask, “What could possibly be wrong with their life?” And I’m no saint; while I never really wanted to say it, I would go along with the trend. High school was not my prime. I hated that I didn’t have enough of a backbone to stand up for anyone, even myself.
College had always been my escape plan. To get through all the feelings I didn’t understand, I kept on reminding myself that someday I wouldn’t live here and that college would provide me with so many opportunities and I would meet so many other people who were just like me. And when I finally did get to college, I really was better for a while. I felt happier and freer to make decisions I would not have made in high school. I made a lot of really awesome friends and I loved my life.
But depression works hard, and it creeps up on you no matter how happy you are.
Going into my third semester here at Millersville, I started to feel myself sinking back into that sad-for-no-reason-all-the-time mood. I figured it was just because of the stress I had, juggling work, school, my friends, and boyfriend. But something was different this time. I was even more frustrated with myself because I now had everything I wanted by this point in my life – I was at school, I had amazing friends, I loved my boyfriend, I still had my awesome family. I could not understand why I was so upset all the time.
Even though this time around, I admitted in my head it was depression, but I would not admit it out loud. Saying the word depression out loud made me feel like I was going to vomit. It wasn’t until my boyfriend said something to me about it that I realized I was not okay — I had never been so deep into it that anyone noticed something was wrong. I knew that I had to do something, and the push from the people I love was enough to get me into counseling.
I’m not writing this to draw attention to myself and my problems. I’m trying to show how ridiculous it was that I spent so much time hating myself for being upset at nothing, when all I needed to do was admit that I was sick. Depression is an illness. It’s something I’m still learning how to cope with it and it’s still not easy. It’s not something we as a society should have ever taken lightly, and now is as good a time as any to start taking mental illness seriously and raising attention and awareness.
There is nothing wrong with being depressed. It’s a condition. And it’s manageable. And you’re stronger than it.
If you or a friend is struggling with any depression/anxiety related issues, or anything in your life, here are some resources both on and off campus that can change your life:
Counseling Services: (717) 871-7821
Location: 3rd Floor Lyle Hall
Hours: Mon., Tues., Thur., Fri. from 8am to 4pm, Wed. from 8am to 6pm
Health Services: (717) 871-5250
Location: Witmer Building
Hours: Monday-Thursday: 9:00am – 5:00pm, Friday: 8:00am – 4:00pm, Saturday & Sunday: closed
TEXT CONNECT TO 741741
1-800-273-TALK (8255)
*Image courtesy of artreport.com