When I was in sixth grade, I developed a few zits. I thought it was the end of the world, but it really was not that bad in hindsight. My acne continued through my sophomore year of high school and then I had about four years of beautiful clear skin. Then, during my junior year of college, I began to see more zits. I tried to pop them, but I couldn’t. I thought maybe it was because I moved off campus and was still learning to cook, but nothing I ate at home was worse than the dining hall. Then I thought it might be the water, but surely a condo complex would have a better filtration system than the dorms. Ultimately, I had to conclude that regardless of the reason, I had developed adult acne.
To clarify, everyone’s skin is different. The acne that I dealt with in my teens was primarily surface; I’d eat a burger, touch my face, and see a whitehead or two. As an adult, the acne I was dealing with was cystic, or under the skin. No matter how much toner I used or how clean I ate, it was there, and it was affecting my self-esteem.
My mother began noticing over FaceTime, and when I went home for the holidays I had a dermatologist appointment scheduled. The derm and I went over my skin’s history and she looked over all my products, and prescribed me a drug called spironolactone. It’s an anti-androgen. Since male hormones are the cause of cystic acne, the idea was that lessening their production would work and clear my skin. And it did, a little bit, with the help of the new cleanser and moisturizer she also prescribed. But I still had a lot of redness and cystic spots, and I didn’t seem to be able to do much else for them.
I thought I might lose it when a man collecting garbage at my apartment asked me if his wife should use Proactive because “she has all that on her face.” Of course when this had been the first day in a long time that I had felt comfortable leaving the house without makeup and I was still riding the high of seeing my all-time favorite singer perform live, this creep had to come along and harass me by pointing out my biggest insecurity. So, I did what any sane person would do and made an angry Facebook post about it, but it still got to me. Then, a few weeks later, I was supposed to look “put together” for an event during finals week, which is an eye roll in itself, but legitimately quite a lot to ask someone who’s routine involves full coverage foundation. So then, my petty ass decided to post a photo and tell Instagram about my struggles, then show up to this event with nice hair and mascara, but nothing else. I felt good, but of course the feelings of insecurity crept back.
Over the summer, my mom and I had yet another conversation about acne. I don’t want anyone to think that my wonderful mom was trying to put me down or talk about an insecurity, as I know less awesome moms have a tendency to do. She really just wanted me to be happy, and she knew that as an actress I would want to have the clearest complexion possible, plus she just knows me well enough to know that I would want that anyways. She bought me a Clarisonic without thinking twice, pausing only to let me choose my color on Amazon. My Clarisonic made my skin feel wonderful, and it was gentle to use twice a day instead of my hands. However, even a Clarisonic won’t fix something that’s under many layers of skin, so I made another dermatologist appointment. I love my healthcare provider, but let me tell you, you need to know people if you want an appointment within three months. So in August of 2016, before the start of my senior year, I had another meeting with my dermatologist. I brought up Accutane (technically known as isotretinoin) and she said we could use it. I took my first tests that day and was able to pick up my first prescription shortly after I got to Miami.
No one goes on Accutane as a first resort. It can wreak havoc on your body, but I’m lucky that it hasn’t done much to me. The only difference that I see is that everything is dryer, including my skin and scalp, which to be perfectly honest, I’m okay with. I was worried about more serious side effects, such as hair loss or depression, but I’m happy as ever and my hair looks great! For me, the really annoying thing about Accutane is that it causes very serious birth defects. Why is this bad for a college woman who has no plans of having children in the near future? Because it means that every single month, without fail, I need to take a pregnancy test and usually a blood test at the doctor’s office. And since I’m in Miami for most of my treatment, I have to do it with enough days left for them to fax the results to my derm at home. However, you can only pick up your prescription within a seven-day time frame after you take your tests. So let’s say I go in on Monday and don’t have my phone appointment until Thursday, I only have until Sunday night to pick up my medicine. And that means that if there’s an issue and you can’t get your drugs until the following Monday, you’re shit out of luck (not really, you’d just have to do another test). There’s also an online system called iPledge, and you need to answer questions on there each month before being allowed to obtain your prescription.
Additionally, when you go on Accutane your whole skincare routine will most likely need to change a little bit. If you were like me, you were using benzoyl peroxide, salicylic acid, alpha-hydroxy acid (aka glycolic acid), beta-hydroxy acid, scrubs, or any mix of these. Most of those will need to go. Accutane is pretty intense and will make your skin super sensitive, so you’ll need to get rid of topical acne treatments. A gentle cleanser (I personally like a charcoal bar), a simple toner (witch hazel is my favorite) and moisturizer (I WILL GO TO BATTLE FOR CERAVE MOISTURIZING CREAM) will be fine. My Clarisonic was still okay, I would just use it on the gentle setting in the morning, or maybe use it once a day instead. The most important thing when taking Accutane is sunscreen. I’d always been big on sunscreen, now I just had to be even more so.
As tedious as it is, I would not go back and do anything different. Except change my genetic code to have naturally clear skin, but seeing as that is impossible, I am using the second best option. Whenever people say “have you tried using this or eating that,” my answer is usually yes. As I said before, no one does this as a first resort. I’m very proud of the progress that I’ve made and I’ll tell anyone who will listen that I’m on Accutane; why wouldn’t I? I love skincare! I love trying out face masks and moisturizing is my daily peace. I actually recently picked up my last dose of Accutane; by press time, I’ll probably be almost done with it. I’m scared of what will happen when I stop my treatment, because as much as I would love to, I can’t stay on this forever. However, I do know now what all my options are. I have a good skin care routine. I have a bomb dot com dermatologist. And I have a mother who will tell me very kindly exactly how it is. My struggle with adult acne has been long and difficult, but I see the light at the end of the tunnel!
Important links!
Chemical vs. physical sunscreens (Pick the best formula FOR YOU. Don’t listen to people who try to guilt you into using one or the other)
http://www.skinacea.com/sunscreen/physical-vs-chemical-sunscreen.html#.WPaPKVPysdU
Face brushes
Clarisonic (high end): http://www.clarisonic.com/facial-cleansing-brushes
Clinique (mid range): http://www.clinique.com/product/12516/31047/skin-care/cleansing-brush/clinique-sonic-system-purifying-cleansing-brush
CVS (budget): http://www.cvs.com/shop/beauty/beauty-tools-accessories/skin-care-tools/cvs-facial-cleansing-power-brush-prodid-860170