Finding the right guy in college seems to be the ultimate feat for not only me but other girls who can see through a college guy and his true intentions.
I’m here to say that there will (hopefully) come a time when you will find the right guy, and it’s safe to say it will probably not be in your early years of college. From my experience, most guys this age are very immature and unaware of a girl’s wants vs. his own. It’s difficult to find the guy that is exactly what you need. And it’s even more difficult when you know who you’re looking for because you might alter your perception of the guy you’re currently with in order to fit your own wishes of who he should be. If you’re finding yourself making excuses for how he behaves, then he’s not the right guy.
First off, it’s okay if you haven’t found him yet.
But once you find a guy please don’t cling to him. Don’t become emotionally vulnerable right away – keep your guard up. If you’re a romantic idealist you will fall for just about every guy you have a connection with. From my experience – don’t fall for him. Don’t fall for the guy that you made out with at a frat party or the guy who drunk texted you late at night to “watch a movie.” Just because you hooked up that one time or he hit you up late at night does not mean he cares enough about you to treat you right.
Also, don’t go searching for the right guy. It’s cliche to say, but good things come to those who wait. Waiting doesn’t mean searching. If you search for something then you’ll find yourself failing almost every time. You’ll most likely be searching in the wrong places or searching too much that it won’t happen naturally. Think about it: did you find your closest friends because you were looking for friends? The answer is most likely no. You find people naturally. Don’t search for the guy – you will find each other. And if it’s not now, it’s later.
With that being said, please don’t go to a party or get drunk with the intention of finding the guy for you. Usually, bars, clubs and frat parties are filled with singles who really are just looking for a good time. That’s the majority of guys in college anyway. Don’t expect to find your future boyfriend while you’re trashed late at night. College is heavily influenced by a clear hook-up culture. And it is difficult to find a guy who isn’t influenced by that. I’m not saying it’s impossible to meet the guy you end up with drunk, I’m just saying it’s highly unlikely their intentions involve wifing you up. Anyways, like Ted from How I Met Your Mother said, “nothing good happens after 2 am.” I could argue against this but when it comes to dating and relationships, this seems to be pretty accurate.
So like I said, college guys are really just looking for a good time. And it crushes me to see how guys treat some girls, viewing them as people without feelings, or someone they could just hit up when it’s convenient for them. You have to do what’s best for you and no one else. You need to take care of yourself and love yourself first to know what love you deserve. Because if you feel like you’re settling, you deserve more.
I can’t wait for the day where guys realize how much most girls care. That we really don’t know what we want but we do know what we deserve, and if a guy can’t give us exactly that, then it shouldn’t be worth our time.
If you’re with a guy and find yourself constantly making excuses for his actions, then he’s not right for you. If he only hits you up late at night, then he’s not the right guy. Find the guy that wants to see you in the daylight and not after hours. Find the guy that wants to undress your mind first before anything else. Don’t worry, they’re out there, give it some time or a few years for the guys around you to mature.
Lastly, it’s not you, it’s them.
Just because you haven’t found him yet, doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. It doesn’t make you any less beautiful or deserving. You deserve the guy that will move mountains for you. Don’t worry and don’t put all your emotional energy into a guy who doesn’t treat you right. Eventually, you’ll find him, and if it’s not now, then it will be later.