As you kiss your summer flings goodbye, fill your suitcases to the brim with clothes and return to our beautiful campus, you can’t help but notice the smell of innocence that engulfs it. The sudden crowdedness of the school walkways and strictness of the Grove scene can only mean one thing: the freshmen have arrived. Whether you’re like me, freshly upgraded to upperclassmen status, or you have the unfortunate circumstance of being even closer to your graduation days, I think we all can agree that your first year here at UM brings with it some important lessons. That being said, here’s a list of what I consider to be some of the most important lessons that freshman year should have taught you.
1. What it means to shotgun or do a keg stand
If you attend the University of Miami, chances are you are going to encounter these two terms being used on the regular basis. Knowledge of what they are and how to do them is essential in the sense that you don’t want be that freshman that stands there dumbfounded when approached by an upperclassmen. Additionally, being good at either feat promises major points with a vast majority of the male population.
2. The name of at least one bouncer in both the Grove and South Beach
There is nothing worse than arriving to a bar in the Grove or a club on South Beach and seeing the line stretch for miles. Knowing the name of the bouncer of that establishment can solve this problem. All it takes is for you to show your award winning smile, make nice, ask them how they’re doing, introduce yourself and afterwards I guarantee that every time you show up, they will let you right in (assuming of course they liked you too).
3. That heels are often unnecessary whilst in the Grove
Okay I get it, it’s your first week out and you have all these cute new heels that you’re dying to show off and you’re too young for South Beach so you figure, “Hey, let me where them to the grove.” I was a victim of this ideology and let me tell you, I quickly learned the hard way after completely destroying a pair of Steve Maddens. Heels are so NOT needed for the grove. Granted yes, I’m sure those one pair heels totally complete your outfit, but do yourself a favor and save them for a nice dinner instead of sending them into battle against the Grove. Your credit card and Steve Maddens will thank you.
4. The true meaning behind a text sent between the hours of 12-4 am
You’re sitting in your dorm, by yourself just about to go to bed when you feel your heart jump a little as the screen of your phone illuminates. You read the words, “Hey wanna come watch a movie?” And against your better judgment decide to go not noticing that at this point its two in the morning. How shocked were you when you arrive and that “movie” turned into something else entirely? A general rule of thumb? Any text sent between the hours of 12 and 4 am, generally implies something a little less different than cuddling.
5. Never trust a Frat boy with a pretty smile
He’s cute; he’s charming and he’s got a smile to die for-we get it. But just like Ronnie who shouldn’t have fallen in love at the Jersey Shore, DON’T fall for that smile. As dazzling as it might be, being a freshman makes you a direct target for most fraternity boys. They know exactly what to say because they know exactly what you want to hear and they’ll be super nice. But after they get what they want, don’t be surprised if you see that same smile being flashed to someone else. Always have your guard up, don’t make it easy and hey, maybe they’ll stay around.
6. How to properly dance on the bar at Sandbar
If you ever have the pleasure of going to Sandbar, a bar located in the Grove, the first thing you’re going to gravitate towards is the row of girls dancing atop the bar while everyone below them looks on in awe. Naturally you’re going to want to join these girls, but be warned: there is nothing more embarrassing then shaking your stuff to Pit-bull, missing your footing and completely falling off in front of a majority of the upperclassmen. So if you’re ever one of those girls, be smart and watch your footing. Nothing says fun like being picked up off the floor literally.
7. How to play beer pong
Whether or not you know what the game of beer pong was when coming into the school, knowing how to play it is a totally different story. By the end of your freshman year, you should be leaving your trolling days behind and be able to make at least one cup. Practice your technique, perfect your arc and fire, because let’s face it, nothing says amazing like being that girl who can hold her own in a game of pong.
8. How to properly walk of shame
This line is really self-explanatory. If you haven’t learned how to properly walk of shame by the end of your freshman year, you need to, after finishing reading this of course, click back to my other articles, read the one entitled Walk of Shame 101 and be amazed at all of the many techniques you can learn/do to avoid being that mornings breakfast topic.
9. YOUR LIMIT
Above anything else, the most important thing you should learn is the amount of alcohol you can consume. For many of us, coming into college was a mind-blowing experience. Maybe your parents were wicked chill and let you drink and so knowing your limit wasn’t a problem, but for a vast majority of every freshman class, alcohol is a new and exciting concept and for some reason that correlates with taking every drink to the face. I’m all for testing your limits but by the time your freshman year ends, you should good and well know how many tequila shots you can handle.
There’s no denying it: freshman year at the University of Miami is one of the craziest times of your life. You probably cried, laughed, did something stupid, something inspiring and maybe, if you’re lucky, fell in love. Going into what maybe your sophomore, junior or even senior year, you take with you a year you can never get back, so hopefully you lived it to the fullest and of course, learned a thing…or nine.