Question of the week from: LDR Girl
My boyfriend and I both just started going to college, but we go to separate schools. What are the tricks to making a college long distance relationship work?
-Yours truly, LDRGirl
Her Advice:
Going off to college to start your freshman year can certainly be a scary and intimidating time, especially when you won’t be able to see your boyfriend in class or around campus. It was easy for the two of you to get wrapped up in each other during high school because you would see each other in the hallways at school, then hang out on the weekends. As you begin your college career, you may be realizing that you took all those times with your boyfriend for granted!
However, just because you two are now at different schools doesn’t mean your relationship has to suffer. Here are some suggestions that will hopefully keep your relationship going strong even through the crazy and exciting transitions of college!
First, allow both you and him to have some space at the start of college. Going from seeing him almost everyday to seeing him maybe once every couple months will be like going through a drug withdrawal, but think of this space as a wonderful opportunity to explore. You’re in college now, which means you have the chance to join new campus organizations, make new friends and take advantage of all that college has to offer. If you give both of you the chance to explore college, you’ll appreciate it each other so much more in the long run.
Second, make sure you two are communicating! You both need your own space to meet new people and grow as individuals, but you still need to make your relationship a priority. Send him cute text messages in the morning wishing him a good day or just letting him know you are thinking of him. Spend a few nights a week talking on the phone or Skyping each other so you can actually see each other’s faces. You could even write him letters once a week. Letters are more personal and he’ll really appreciate the time you took out of your day to write to him. Communication is key for every relationship, so really make it a priority to talk to him as much as you can (without becoming overbearing or clingy, of course!).
Long distance relationships are definitely tricky, but as long as you both stay honest with each other and make time to talk to each other, you two can make it work. Both of you will be surprised at how much you learn about yourselves in college, and you’ll become stronger people from your experiences over the next four years, which will ultimately take your relationship to new heights. Be patient, enjoy college and start counting the days till you get to see your boyfriend at Fall or Thanksgiving break!
His Advice:
College is certainly a unique environment, and the prospect of getting a long distance relationship to work can be a very intimidating one. Hopefully by the end of my advice, you’ll be well on your way to keeping a healthy and strong relationship with your boyfriend.
First, you’re both going to have to come to terms with the fact that the relationship is going to change. In the summer, you might have been seeing each other in person many times a week, and now that you’re both in separate schools, that is simply impossible to maintain. So your relationship is going to have to change and evolve to meet the new circumstances you find yourself in. Got it? Good, now we can move onto some more concrete advice.
Technology is your friend! If you don’t already have a Skype account, get one, and make sure your boyfriend gets one too. Video conversations are the next best thing to actually talking in person, and being able to see the face of the person you’re talking to definitely adds more of an intimate feel to a conversation then just talking on the phone. Having a nice video chat every day, or every other day, simply to talk about how your days were will certainly help fight the two of you drifting apart too much. Also, talk about things to look forward to, such as when you’ll be able to actually see each other.
So, when you DO get to see your boyfriend in person, make the most of it! If you’re both going to be home at the same time, maybe for the holidays, or one of you is able to travel to the other one’s school, then make plans! Go to a nearby amusement park, see movies, go hiking, do some of the fun things you were doing together over the summer. You don’t have as many opportunities to see each other as you used to, so you need to really make the most out of the few chances you get.
I really wish you luck, and I hope you’re both able to stay committed to your relationship. Long distance relationships are certainly hard, and it’ll take a lot of effort from both of you, but know that if you do make it, your relationship will be much stronger than it was before. So best wishes and good luck!
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