Dearest reader, if you have ever been so unfortunate as to stumble upon one of my insipid articles in the past, its contents no doubt contained something along the lines of “watch this show because I said so.” I am sorry to inform you that someone has, for some peculiar reason, given me permission to write a blog series that is much of the same. I figured that, since every single article I write somehow bounces back to some TV show I’m completely obsessed with, I might as well create some sort of formal place for my usual nonsense.
Hence, “Confessions of a TV Addict” was born.
Welcome. I am sorry you are here because I am sure there are a plethora of other far cooler things you could be doing with your time; for example, having a life beyond complaining about how Transparent isn’t a comedy. This week, I have decided to break down the first two episodes of the latest season of Ryan Murphy’s love letter to Sarah Paulson’s acting ability: American Horror Story, which, for now, has been dubbed American Horror Story: Roanoke.
Ryan Murphy is absolutely brilliant. He has all of these incredible ideas swirling about in that head of his, which is why everything he touches eventually turns into rubbish. He gets overly ambitious, and he has his foot in so many ponds (Scream Queens, American Crime Story, and the upcoming Feud) at once that this multi-tasking often results in nonsense (here’s looking at you American Horror Story: Freak Show, in which he somehow messed up Jessica Lange. Jessica freaking Lange looked bad on account of his lack of focus.)
Moral of the story, I adore everything he does, even if I complain about how awful it is to every person within earshot. Now, this latest season of American Horror Story is different for him. As every AHS fan knows, hearing about the theme of the new season and watching all the promos is more fun than watching the actual show. He gets everyone excited only to disappoint. This time, he chose not to reveal a theme, and instead chose to “trick” the viewer by releasing 60-some odd promos that were all separate from one another.
Nice try, Ryan, because my mom guessed the right promo. Joke’s on you, buddy.
The theme was only revealed officially on September 14th, the night of the premiere. Without further ado, let’s take a gander at the cohesive and compelling first two episodes of American Horror Story: Roanoke, before it all falls apart.
*Spoiler Alerts from here on out.*
The first episode opens on Shelby (Lily Rabe) and Matt Miller (André Holland) in the sort of “talking head”-style interview session that is really popular in documentaries. We come to realize that they are part of a paranormal docu-series entitled My Roanoke Nightmare.
The actual action of the show takes place in, what we are to assume for now is a reenactment of the events with the roles of Shelby and Matt being played by Emmy-winner Sarah Paulson (which feels incredible to type) and Cuba Gooding Jr., respectively. Following a racially-charged attack, as they walk through the streets of Los Angeles, that leaves Matt hospitalized and Shelby suffering a miscarriage, the couple moves to an old farm house in Roanoke Island, North Carolina. Well, obviously, that was a really hideous mistake.
Immediately, all of these wacky things keep happening; like their stairwell being filled with weird little dolls hung up by twine, a dead pig showing up on their front step, and Shelby being submerged under water in a shot that is so much like this one from Hannibal that I couldn’t think about anything else for the rest of the episode. I was really happy that my cable doesn’t have FX, so I can’t watch this live, because at 11 o’clock in the morning, this was still more horrifying than my face pre-contour.
Shelby and Matt seem to think that the people who they out-bid for the house are responsible, and the police don’t seem to care, so they enlist the help of Matt’s sister, Lee (Adina Porter as the “talking head” and Angela Bassett as the reenactor). We find out through a series of flashbacks that Lee was let go from the police force because of her drug problem. Matt has to go away on business, so Lee is forced to protect Shelby from whatever it is that is plaguing them. Lee and Shelby hate each other, which gives us a great opportunity to watch Angela and Sarah be awful to one another. Watching Angela and Sarah chew up the scenery is worth the price of admission, which for me is nothing since I stream this the day after it airs through the Comcast account that I do not pay for.
Back to the show, a bunch of craziness keeps happening, and it is frankly so scary that I keep sweating right through my deodorant like when I accidentally singe myself with my flat-iron.
At the end of episode one, Shelby (Sarah Paulson) ends up hopping in her car and running over Kathy Bates. This leads her to run through the woods, and stumble upon a sacrificial ceremony led by Kathy Bates as some wack-a-doodle old timey person (obviously meant to be from Roanoke, the lost colony). Lady Gaga is snarling behind her like a deranged lunatic, which is essentially Gaga’s natural state. There was a glimmer of Wes Bentley’s killer bone structure and smoldering stare, but not much. And then the episode was done.
Okay, let’s take a moment to break this down. Ryan Murphy made something that was engaging, and different, and defied expectations of what this show is and what it is about. I was frankly speechless that he had pulled something like this off. Moving into episode 2, however, things get a little more zany.
Episode 2 begins where we left off with the crazy ceremony, and Kathy Bates putting some pig onto some guy’s head to make him a pig monster, I guess? (Season 1 call back, perhaps?) He later shows up to scare the living daylights out of Angela Bassett, and I cannot stop watching this gif of Angela Bassett freaking out. It is magic.
The rest of the episode is equally bone-chilling, with Shelby and Matt finding a video tape with a deranged, bearded Denis O’Hare (a huge departure from his character last season, which was honestly the only enjoyable part of Hotel) saying how there were these two nurses who murdered a bunch of people in the house. Matt saw the nurses shoot some woman in the head right in his dining room a few nights earlier, so he was sort of believing this guy.
Lee, on the other-hand, was busy the whole episode desperately trying to win custody of her daughter by essentially kidnapping her and bringing her to the house. As with all little kids involved with anything remotely scary, her daughter was talking to some apparition with a bonnet who said that they were all going to be killed. So that’s a barrel of laughs.
All of my vague recapping aside, it is not terrible and I am still intrigued enough to find out where they plan to go. This is more than I can say for the usual visually appealing, if emotionally vacant, slog that is usually cranked out by this point. According to a recent interview with Ryan Murphy and Brad Falchuk, the first 5 episodes are their own thing, the next 4 are their own thing, and then the season finale is its own thing. To me that reads as, “This is going to get insane and turn people off like usual.”
Although, maybe I am wrong; maybe I am quick to judge. However, as someone who sat through that weird, tone-deaf school shooting episode of Glee, I can say with some authority that this could spell trouble for AHS: Roanoke.
American Horror Story: Roanoke is on FX every Wednesday at 10 pm.