People usually assign negative connotations to the idea of being alone. We feel bad when we see someone eating alone, or standing alone in a crowd. Being alone, in our minds, means lack of human connection and being estranged from others. While this can be true, and it’s very important to have a good circle of people around you that love you, what people tend to forget is that loneliness and “being alone” are two completely different things. Loneliness is painful. It’s a longing for or result of the deprivation of love and the company of others. Everyone has experienced being lonely at some point or another. It’s part of human nature. But being alone is entirely different and contrary to what most believe, it is not at all a form of suffering. Being alone is freedom, growth, reflection, and self love all tied together. Being alone is a form of healing.
A period of alone time, at any length, allows for many things to happen. You discover yourself— strengths, weaknesses, likes, dislikes. You become fully self-reliant in providing for your needs. You evolve and open your eyes to new passions, or even rediscover old ones. You no longer feel the need to break your back in order to please others, because you become the only person you need to please. But most importantly, you feel content. You feel like enough.
It’s not that you were never enough before this self discovery. You were always more than. But perhaps your perspectives were skewed, or you became vulnerable with the wrong person, or you relied too heavily on others to provide the love you should have been giving to yourself all along.
Being alone reminds you that you are capable of doing everything for yourself. It reminds you that you do not have to deal with the toxic people in your life— you can choose to let them go. It reminds you of your worth. If you have been through a rough breakup or suffered a loss of any kind, one of the most healing things you can do for yourself is to be alone for a while. Find yourself again. Do the things you love: paint, read, hike, travel, whatever it is that feeds your soul and reminds you why your life is such a blessing. Stimulate your mind. Play a new instrument. Meditate. Take care of yourself, body, mind, and spirit.
I spent my alone time abroad and the combination of travel, being away from home, and living independently in a foreign country sped up the healing process for me almost effortlessly. I formed amazing friendships, spent a lot of time navigating streets, and tried countless new foods and activities. I found myself thinking less and less about any pain I was experiencing and focused on having the best possible time that I could in those four months. I was living for me.
Through setting aside time for yourself, you will watch yourself transform into the best version of you. You will surround yourself with the people who support and push you to be your best self, and release the negative energies of the past. You will become a well-rounded, happy individual and this in turn will elevate your confidence levels and strength exponentially. You will emerge from the heartache and hurt a little wiser, a little kinder, and ready and able to move forward. I know I did.
Don’t frown on the idea of being alone. Instead, use it to better your life. It all begins with you. I can promise you that when you live for you, you will discover that you’re someone you should have been proud of from the very start. Continue to live, learn, grow, and love. You’re doing just fine.