Cuffing season: just another opportunity for everyone to turn up in complete foolishness, and brag about how too cool they are for love and romance. Well, like it or not, cuffing season is EVERY season so stop pretending like you’re immune to feelings and embrace how you are about to come out of this entire situation.
Expectations: Your inner Sasha Fierce walks into the scene looking for your next fling. Every gorgeous guy is staring you up and down and you lock eyes with Mr. Right (Now).
Reality: You walk into the club, and you are suffocating in a sea of thirsty losers who make you want to vomit/die/eat/smack somebody.
Expectations: You finally meet “bae” and once the two of you start talking, he is head over heels, 2-Chains impression and all. You have this boy on lockdown and he is going to have to put in the work to catch a dime like you.
Reality: You are so happy this dude is even talking to you. That 2-Chains impression was the most embarrassing thing to ever happen to you in the history of your entire existence and he STILL laughed. Do.not.mess.this.up.
Expectations: Look, you are all for a good time but let’s make things clear, this is nothing serious and quite frankly, you would kindly appreciate it if no one fell in love with you anytime soon. #sorrynotsorry.
Reality: But actually, you are free tomorrow…and the next day…and the one after that. #pleaseloveme.
Expectations: This guy is totally obsessed with you! My God, is a normal human being who doesn’t worship the ground you walk on too much to ask for?
Reality: It has been exactly 20 minutes and 42 seconds since he last texted you. If he doesn’t respond within the next five minutes, it is official: You are going to die alone.
Expectations: You run a tight ship so it is time for some ground rules: no presents, no nicknames, no crying, no families, no staring for extensive periods of time. Girls just want to have fun.
Reality: You want him to take you, your belly fat, your baggage, your friends, your family, your dirty jokes, your goldfish, your life, and your inner spirit animal (which just so happens to be anybody from Pitch Perfect).
Expectations: He is way more into this than you. And yes, you may have told a few misleading white lies, but you are just trying to be nice! You cannot help it that you are utterly fabulous and irresistible. Ugh, it’s so hard being this pretty.
Reality: The blues are bluer, the pinks are pinker, and every conversation you have is just another opportunity to shower your besties with profound symbolism and the flowery language of love and attraction.
Expectations: Finally liberated, you broke it off with this sap of a man and you are back on the prowl. Just in time for Spring!
Reality: You said you wouldn’t do it but who are you kidding, he brings out the lover in you.