Oh, you’ve done it now. She’s been dropping hints for months but on the special night you were playing Modern Warefare 3 with your boys as she sat around a candlelit dinner at that restaurant that it’s impossible to get a reservation at, waiting for Ashton Kusher to finally jump out. Sadly, she was not being punked—you’re a tool and actually forgot your 5-year anniversary.
It’s been a week and she hasn’t been particularly enthused to pick up any calls from, “My mom was right again”, and your less than congenial new name in her phone. So again I’ll say, you’ve done it now. But though you’re a tool, you do have a conscious and feel remorse. It was an honest mistake and you want to make it right. Well, here a few sure fire ways to make it out of the dog house.
Brownies and ice cream. Who ever said, “the way to man’s heart is through the stomach” clearly forgot that unlike the stick thin, make-believe girls in the magazines, real girls love to throw down. Back in our oh-so-chic primate days, fruits were eaten when no other foods were available. They high level of glucose gave us an emergency energy supply and also a tasty satisfaction.
As such, humans have developed a natural sweet tooth so even the deadliest of wraths can’t fight this biological adaption. Even if she’s on a new diet, every girl will melt at the site of ice cream a la mode. Fresh home baked brownies topped by her favorite ice cream drizzled in warm fudge is a 100% guaranteed way to make her at least look at you again. Granted you forgot to acknowledge the five years of love you’ve spent with your significant other so it won’t get you back in the bedroom, but it will definitely get her to unblock your number.
“If you’re a bird, I’m a bird”. Regardless of how reluctant any girl may be to admit it, romantic comedies are gushy illustrations of how all women, including your girlfriend, think the world should be. Guys should always chase the girl, always play an original song on a guitar outside of her window, and always have a “thing” with their girl that is unique to the two of them. Though women spend hundreds of hours in their lifetimes watching and sobbing over these movies, guys still haven’t picked up on a not-so-secret secret.
Here it is: Be like the guy in the movie! Mail her hand written letter every day. Bake a ring in a cupcake. Run to her job in the rain and confess your undying love for her. Something! There are hundreds of films that you can steal a master plan from. You might feel like your compromising your masculinity, but she’ll brag to all her friends about it which we all know means you’re in the clear.
“And then I said, ‘that’s no refrigerator—that’s my mother!” Another not-so-secret secret that guys don’t’ seem to catch is that no one can fight a smile. Yes, she won’t speak to you, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t want to. She wants to make it better but she wants even more for you to sweat a little. So a great way to break the silence is to make her laugh.
We’ve all been in situations where it was inappropriate to laugh and despite our greatest efforts, a smile crept across our face or we let out a little chuckle. Unless your dating a cyborg (in which case you have some major life thinking to do), if something’s funny she will laugh. Tell a corny joke or put together a sill video begging for forgiveness. As long as you crack the hardened exterior and mange to sneak a smile on her face, you’re as good as forgiven.