It all started innocuously enough. I am in a class with two of my closest friends, and one of them is on the opposite side of the political aisle as me. Politics never really comes up in our conversations, and when the topic veers to troubled waters, she is quick to say, “Let’s talk about something else.” For a time, I saw my friendship with her as a sort of anomaly—how funny is it, I thought, that she and I could be so ideologically different and yet have so much in common? And yet, our relationship has blossomed—so much so that she has introduced me to another friend of hers, a woman whose political views are even more opposite of mine. Against seemingly all odds, we’ve gotten close enough that I feel comfortable confiding in her about things I don’t share with many people I am friends with. As silly as it sounds, gaining friends on the opposite side of the political aisle has forced me to ask myself: am I a bad leftist?
Anyone who knows me knows that I’m pretty outspoken about my views. I’m never shy about sharing my thoughts on the presidential administration, and I’ve been known to start more than one debate about public policy at family dinners. I proudly cast my ballot in February—less proudly in November—and have been speaking and writing about my leanings ever since. To gain close friendships with friends I disagree with so vehemently has felt like a sort of giving up, a hit to my pride.
But why? What about these friendships has challenged me so? Certainly, our current political moment plays a role—I still find myself shocked, disgusted and saddened by current events, and I fight for the rights of those that are disadvantaged by systemic structures of oppression. Being friends with people I disagree with doesn’t have to change that—if anything, it can challenge me to better understand my own views and work through the best ways to confront challenges with those across the aisle.
In our current political moment, these types of friendships can seem impossible. Online discourse is vitriolic, and class discussions can spike fiery debates. Even so, I think that civil discussion is possible. I don’t have to agree with my friend on some topics, and it’s possible that I never will. But to deny a chance to have a discussion with someone you disagree with is to deny yourself the opportunity to grow personally and maybe even change some minds.