To All the Lonely Freshmen
The first semester of my freshman year of college sucked. I’m just being honest. Of course, part of that was due to all the things that stress freshmen out: the intense course work, the sub-par dining hall food, and the tiny living space shared with complete strangers. What really brought me down, however, was how lonely I felt. One day I was hanging out with my best friends of years, then the next I was in a new city where I knew absolutely no one. It didn’t help that I’m naturally pretty quiet, so it was hard for me to get out there and talk to new people all the time. Things got so bad that I seriously considered transferring just so I could be closer to my family, because college didn’t feel like a place that I could call home.
Looking back, I am incredibly grateful that I decided to stay at Marquette because I am living the college experience that I have always dreamed of having, and I have amazing friends here to share it with me. I hope that all the new freshmen here will be able to feel the exact same way. For all of you out there who are feeling discouraged and lonely, here’s some advice about how I got through it and finally made Marquette my home.
Don’t try to be friends with everyone.
I’m not saying don’t be friendly, because kindness and friendliness are the most basic courtesies that you can (and should!) extend. What I am saying is to really focus on people who you can actually see yourself getting along with.
The first few weeks are a whirlwind of meeting what seems like an endless stream of people. Between your orientation group, your new classmates, and your dorm room neighbors, there will be too many new names and faces to count. The conversation topics are all the same: name, hometown, major, over and over again. It’s hard to get to know people just from these small bits of information. When you are getting to know all these people, you are bound to find one or two people you connect with, but you can’t honestly expect to be best friends with all of them. So don’t push yourself into friendships if they don’t feel fulfilling. If that means you are not as close to someone a few weeks into college as you were at first and you stop hanging out with them, that’s okay. It’s a natural part of the process.
Surround yourself with people who share your hobbies and passions with you.
Everyone will be telling you to get out there and join clubs, and I’m here to tell you again that you should absolutely get involved. When you are doing what you love to do, you are going to find people who love doing it just as much as you. This is a great way to stay busy and bond with new people. Chances are you will find other things in common with the people you meet in clubs besides one mutual activity; for example, you could find that you have similar values, tastes, or senses of humor.
It may be intimidating to sign up for something when you don’t know anyone else there, but at the root of the matter, everyone is there to have fun and grow. Be open to new opportunities and you will amaze yourself.
Hold on to your high school friends, but loosen your grip a bit.
It is perfectly normal to miss your friends from high school, and I’m sure they miss you just as much. They were there for you for years and years, and you know everything about each other. Sometimes at the end of a long day, the best thing you can do is call an old friend up and talk for hours just to feel that wonderful love and familiarity.
However, you shouldn’t cling to your old friends without making an effort to meet new ones. It’s impossible to make new connections if every night you are locked away in your dorm texting people who live miles away from you who can’t be there with you just then. It’s just as debilitating for them as it is for you. Healthy friendships are all about supporting each other through the tough times and big changes, not about holding on to the way things used to be and expecting everything to be the same. You and your friends are all going through a big transition, and that will change things about the type of people you are. That absolutely does not mean that the love you share will go away, or that you won’t recognize each other when you finally get to see each other again. One of the coolest experiences is catching up with people, talking about all the fun things you’ve been up to, and learning to love the new parts of who they’ve become.
Remember that everyone is feeling what you’re feeling.
If anyone could’ve told me anything during freshman year to make it better, it’s this. When you’re scrolling through social media and looking at perfect pictures of people smiling and living it up, it’s easy to convince yourself that you’re the only one who feels lost. Everyone else is out there having fun with their perfect new friends, so why aren’t you? What’s wrong with you?
Nothing. There is nothing wrong with being confused at this time in your life. It’s a huge transition to go from home, where you are always around friends and family, to college, where chances are you don’t know anyone that well and you don’t know what you are doing. It’s not going to be frustrating and sad so many other things nobody really tells you. You are not alone: everyone around you is going through the same thing, even if it’s hard to tell. Be patient with yourself and adjust at your own pace. It will get better.