The highly anticipated film “It,” based off of the horror novel by Stephen King, has hit theaters and people have some feelings about it. I personally have yet to see the movie, but Pennywise the clown has already managed to terrorize my life.
Here are some things “It” has ruined for me:
1. Sewer Drains
I will never again be able to casually walk past a drain in the street without subconsciously feeling the need to pick up the pace. I’m truly terrified that if I so much as glance in the direction of the dark pit of death lying there in the street, a devilish clown will make an appearance and steal my paper boat.
2. Red Balloons
Balloons used to mean happiness, birthdays and fun. Now, when colored a blazing red, they mean a clown is coming to make me “float too”—no thanks!
3. Halloween
All I’m going to see on October 31st is a bunch of clowns and red balloons—my fragile, paranoid heart will not be able to handle it. I barely made it out of last year’s clown debacle alive, can we keep clown costumes a thing of the past, please!
4. This Face
Bill Skarsgård is certainly very easy on the eyes sans-clown makeup. But after seeing him as an evil child attacking and sewer lurking clown, I will never view those eyes the same.
5. My No-Horror-Movies Streak
I am by no means a horror movie fanatic. I am a very jumpy and paranoid person and those traits just don’t mix well with scary things. However, the trailers and the buzz surrounding the film have intrigued me, and I can’t help but want to see it. The mere existence of this movie makes me mad because I have to see it and I know I won’t be able to sleep for days, even weeks following my inevitable viewing.
See you in theaters “It”—and hopefully not in my dreams.
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