I am a work in progress. All my life, I have struggled feeling secure with myself just like so many other women (and men) and people in general. My goal is to help empower women on campus, and that is one of the main reasons why I became involved with Her Campus.
I believe I am a unique individual. I have gone through a lot, but there is still so much I have yet to experience. I have found ways to feel empowered, and I hope to impart whatever wisdom I may have to help others who have also struggled. What I am certain of, though, is that empowerment comes in ways we may not expect.
SAY NO
So many girls fall victim to the aggressive hand of expectation. For some reason that I cannot pinpoint, our society has made girls believe if a guy is nice to them, they have to give them something in return. Unfortunately, too many guys will take advantage of this preconception. Believe me, I’ve been there.
He offered to buy you a drink? You don’t have to dance with him. He walked you home? You don’t have to invite him inside. He took you to his apartment? You don’t have to do ANYTHING with him if you do not want to. YOU ARE NOT BEING A TEASE!
Your virginity is yours. Your body is yours. Do not let someone try to take something from you that you do not WANT to give away freely.
Realizing that you are more important than expectations is truly an empowering thing.
I have never had a problem being upfront about my experience when it comes to relationships and sex. This is because it is my choice. Becoming comfortable with that was such a turning point in my own personal security.
Put Yourself in Front of People
I am a music minor at LUC, and I have been singing since before I could talk. I LOVE singing and it makes me very happy. It also is a big cause of anxiety. I FREAK OUT when I have to sing in front of people, but the second I am on stage, I feel more empowered than ever.
In high school and still into college, I have attended local open mic nights at various coffee shops and venues. It was the only place I was comfortable being completely selfish; “I am the center of attention for five minutes and I am going to make sure the audience listens to me.” It is such a euphoric feeling being on stage and sharing my music.
I am not telling you to learn guitar and to head to your local coffee shop. I AM telling you to do something outside of your comfort zone. Performing terrifies me— until I actually do it. Put yourself out there and see how people listen to you.
Don’t Wear Makeup (or wear less)
You don’t need it. You really don’t.
Sure, it helps me feel good about myself, as it accentuates the parts of my face that I like. And of course many see it as an art form and take pride in their makeup, and that’s a wonderful stance to take as well. However, forcing yourself to go in public with nothing but your natural face helps you realize that is all you need to be beautiful— just yourself.
Eat Alone
We live in an age where girls grow up comparing themselves to the artificial bodies displayed in magazines. The adverse consequence is many girls also grow up with body image issues, and I was one of them. I am growing to love the skin I am in, but I still struggle. Every day.
Don’t get me wrong, it is important to eat right for health reasons, but there is no need to feel insecure about your diet choices.
No one will judge you for eating alone, whether it be in a dining hall, food vendor, park bench, or dorm. It’s actually empowering; like “YES I will sit here by myself, listening to my favorite music or reading my favorite book, and I will enjoy my sandwich in PEACE.” We all have to eat, and it does not have to be a social event. Make it a part of your day to reflect or clear your head or just to enjoy solitude.
Walk Alone
Once again, being alone is important. Being COMFORTABLE being alone is imperative to one’s own confidence and security.
I used to think that if I was alone I had no friends. Or if I was seen alone, people would think I had no friends. It was a trigger for my anxiety and made me think that no one wanted to hang out with me and I was just stranded. THIS IS RIDICULOUS!! I still have to remind myself of this, but I have made so much personal progress.
Now, for me, being alone means being independent. I feel self-sufficient and self-reliant when I run errands alone, or walk along the lake alone, or when I simply do things by myself.
This summer, I helped my parents move to a new city, and I had to acclimate to spending half of my summer being alone the majority of my day. This was instrumental in my own personal growth. I traveled downtown alone and explored, I even took a trip to New York City by myself. Traveling alone is so exciting— just be safe— and takes a lot of bravery that I am grateful I have gained. You learn so much more about people and about yourself when you take time to observe and reflect.
Exercise
Release endorphins, increase metabolism, grow confidence, get stronger, and work towards a body you love (even though your body is already perfect). The benefits of exercise are endless, as I’m sure you know. And you don’t need to take yourself too seriously or push too hard; just getting out of bed and being active is an accomplishment.
Say Yes
Put yourself in control of your situation. You don’t want anything? Say no. But if you do, then go ahead and say yes!
I advise you to GO ON THAT DATE!! If you meet someone cool at a party for a total of two minutes and they ask you out, just go! Dates are harmless if you go about it carefully: hold them in a public place in broad daylight. Getting to know someone can be fun, and you will get experience with dating in the adult world. You will gain a sense of what you like and don’t like.
Just stay smart; be safe, be careful and be healthy. Know what you can handle and be certain of your decisions.
Other Perspectives
My advice might help girls as it has helped me, or it might not (and that’s okay). I reached out to our chapter at LUC to get their perspective on what empowerment means to them.
“Dressing up and expressing myself through my fashion and interests makes me feel empowered. I know I may get stares sometimes when I choose to wear a bright red windbreaker, but I love to look colorful, because it expresses my personality before people even meet me. While I often feel that I have to factor in what others think of me when I make decisions throughout the day, I dress only for myself.” -Jacky James, second-year at LUC.
“I love listening to different types of music while I am walking around campus or doing my work. I really like EDM and instrumental music and a lot of the time, the music inspires me to work harder, be more creative, stand up taller, and overall, feel more confident and empowered as a young woman.” – Hayley Accola, third-year at LUC.
“Volunteering is my source of empowerment. Whether it’s holding a baby or grabbing supplies for nurses, it makes an impact on them and an impact on me. I grow as a person and learn through every experience, feeling invigorated after it.” – Ashley Prabakar, second-year at LUC.
“I feel the most empowered when I’m comfortable being alone and taking time for myself and taking care of myself.” – Liz Schwarting, second-year at LUC.
“I would say what makes me feel empowered is when I finally achieve a goal I’ve been working towards, whether it be getting my mile time down, finally catching up on reading assignments or doing well on an assessment. I feel like I have regained control on my life when I accomplish what I’ve set my mind to.” -Jenny Wilson, second-year at LUC.
I hope this helps women at LUC in their pursuit of empowerment.