Getting your heart broken by your first love (or any love after that) is something that you will always remember and something that will always be a big changing point in your life. Oftentimes, your first love is naive because you don’t yet know what it is like to be hurt, so you love with your whole heart, without caution, which can make the heartbreak feel so unbearable. Keep in mind, although it may feel like the end of the world, it isn’t. It really sucks, but it won’t suck forever.
If there is something that is bothering you, something that makes it hard to fall asleep at night, or makes your heart feel less full inside, and you have the ability to fix the thing that is bothering you, do it. Whether it be something you need to say or something you need to do in order to be able to move on. You should not be losing sleep at night over words you need to say to someone, get it off your chest so you’re no longer carrying it around with you.
Closure is important. It’s hard because sometimes you don’t want to accept that this is the end of this chapter in your life with this person, or maybe it’s hard because you never want to see this person again since they hurt you. But it is so much more important than you could imagine. Without closure, you are left with the things you should’ve said but never did and it drags out the healing process to be much longer than necessary. You deserve to know why things ended the way they did and you deserve to say what is on your chest and in your mind. It may seem scary and intimidating but it will be worth it in the end, so swallow your pride and get the closure you need.
Write them letters, but not to send, to rid you of the heavy thoughts and feelings that are weighing you down. You may be carrying around a lot of negative energy with you and writing it all down can be very therapeutic and helpful in figuring out your own thoughts on where you stand. You are growing without them.
Box up everything that reminds you of them. It will help to stop sitting around and staring at the stuffed animal they won for you, or reading old letters. Don’t throw it away because one day, you will look back on it, and it will make you feel better to see how far you have come. Just because this chapter of your life with this person is over, doesn’t mean it isn’t a good memory to keep, but give yourself a break from the constant reminders.
You are now single and owe no time or responsibility to a significant other. Post-breakup is the biggest opportunity for self-growth, because you are rediscovering yourself after being hurt by someone you trusted. Do things that make you happy, get to know this new and improved version of yourself and be in touch with who you are becoming. Take the time that you need to heal properly (it’s different for everyone).
Some exes are able to stay friends, and major props to them for that, but regardless of if you are considering this option or not, give it time. Some ex couples will try force friendship immediately after a breakup because it can be so hard to immediately cut off the person who has meant the most to you, but you must give yourself time to heal. If you are constantly around the person who just shattered your heart, it will only be painful, not helpful. If you aren’t considering the friends option, but maybe want to catch up with your ex in the future, make sure you give that time, too. It is best to catch up when you are both completely moved on and mature enough to talk about what you each have missed in each other’s lives.
In the end, constantly distracting yourself in hopes of avoiding the pain will catch up with you. Allow yourself to sob in bed and eat a few gallons of ice cream. Listen to sad songs. Talk about it with your friends. Listen to your mom’s advice. Eventually, you WILL feel like picking yourself back up again. You WILL catch yourself laughing along in the car with your friends, and realize that you feel happiness without that person you once relied on for comfort. You will see how on the large scale of your life, this is a bump in the road compared to the vast future ahead of you. The best is yet to come.
Attributions:
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