He was her first boyfriend and she had never felt this way before. Someone had noticed her and he made her feel so beautiful. And he was cute. So cute. She loved waking up to his “Good Morning Beautiful” text messages and thinking of him helped her through the monotony of daily life. It had only been a few weeks and she was already head over heels. She loved the thrill of saying “my boyfriend” and she loved all the cheesy nicknames he gave her. She was so happy for those first few weeks.
Then he started to change. It started small, “Can I have a picture?” She sent one of her favorite pictures of herself. He said he wanted to see more skin. At first she refused, she didn’t feel comfortable. After he cajoled her and told her he loved her, and he wanted this because he couldn’t see her in person, she gave in. At first she felt dirty, but reassured herself that he would never hurt her, and it was special just for him. But she also hoped it wouldn’t happen again. Gradually, it escalated and soon he kept asking for more and more. She was missing out on time with family and friends because she was always texting him and sending him pictures she was embarrassed someone might see on her phone. He wasn’t asking about her about her interests anymore, or asking her how her day was. Even the sweet messages had stopped. She wanted to stop sending the pictures; their relationship was changing. She told him how she felt, and he got angry. He would ignore her until he got what he wanted, and tell her she was worthless. He never hurt her physically, but emotionally she felt reduced to dirt.
She missed the old him, and she only caught glimpses of that version of him when she gave in and sent the pictures. She clung to her perfect relationship as it slipped away, further and further. She kept giving him what he wanted, because losing him seemed like the worst possible outcome. She grew sadder and sadder every day, and eventually she didn’t recognize him anymore at all. He didn’t care about her; he just used her when he needed, for what he wanted. She knew he would leave her if she didn’t do what he wanted. He got angry and mean when she didn’t do what he wanted. He wouldn’t tell her he loved her until after he got it. He trusted that she was so emotionally weak she would always be there. And she was, for a while. Soon her friends and parents noticed that something was wrong, and she talked to them about it. It was hard, but with support she got out of the situation and lost the feelings of worthlessness. She grew stronger and realized what she deserved, and found self-worth, without drawing her happiness from his attention.
Dating Abuse is something that we hear a lot about, especially being on a college campus, and it doesn’t always show up in the ways we expect. Sometimes it can’t even be noticed from the outside looking in. Though it may seem distant from your life, about 43% of dating college women report experiencing violent or abusive behavior from a partner. So what can we do? Here are five ways to recognize signs of dating abuse:
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Isolation from people that are important and valued, like friends or family.
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Partner gets jealous easily, especially when you spend time with other friends
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Partner gets upset when you don’t answer their texts immediately
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Partner spreads rumors or makes fun of you.
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Partner “keeps tabs” on you and wants to know who you are texting/who you are with all the time.
Not only can we recognize these signs in our own relationships, we can recognize them in our friends. If you notice a friend becoming isolated and you are worried, make it a point to seek them out to hang out. It never hurts, and it is so important to help our friends. It is sometimes hard to see the signs of dating abuse, and from the outside they are very easy to overlook. Pay attention to your friends, and always be available to help. You can make a very important difference.
Source: dosomething.org