If, like me, you are a cheap-skate student whose funds can’t quite sustain monthly trips to St Tropez but are still determined to look like Jennifer Aniston and want to give the impression that you spend weekends sunbathing in LA, then fake tans are a godsend.
Don’t get me wrong, I am hardly an expert. In fact my mother continuously asks me with a genuinely concerned expression whether I have contracted a skin disease since our previous meeting. However, I have recently managed to discover a tanning product which has answered all my prayers.
SAINT MORIZ. It’s cheap, cheerful, and if applied with care, can result in a perfect anti oompa loompa glow which will last you a whole glorious night out. Except if it rains... in which case you will most likely receive some slightly odd looks, but I’m willing to risk it.
With the clocks recently going forward and summer just around the corner, the mercury in Leeds reaching, at a push, TWENTY DEGREES, (we may as well be in the Sahara desert), it’s time to throw away the laddered tights, and whip out those tanned legs. I present to you 5 fake tan products which will not destroy the last drabs of your overdraft and, if used in the right way, will leave you looking like an A-lister, as opposed to Jodie Marsh.
1) Saint Moriz. £2.99 (amazing) from Home Bargains in the St John’s Centre. It’s more expensive elsewhere, but still undeniably the best value for money. Depending on how much you go out, one bottle/spray/tube will last you a good few weeks or even months. Do not be put off by its appearance (it feels and looks like you are rubbing the yellow foam which washes up on beaches over yourself) and always apply with a tanning mitt! Make sure you exfoliate beforehand too; Dalmatian patches of dark brown on your legs will slightly hinder the whole ‘effortless glow’ look. For your night it will make you look a million dollars, and even after showering when you return home, it will leave a lovely base tan. 5/5 I’d say.
2) Johnson’s Holiday Skin RRP £5.10 – normally deals on in Boots/Superdrug/Wilkos. NEVER try and be crafty and attempt to put this product on your face. I did this aged 15 and for the next few weeks gave myself ginger eyebrows which I am still reminded about to this day. Although it does give the aroma of Mcvities Digestives after a few days, this lotion is also a good way to gain a cheeky gradual Mediterranean glow, whilst moisturising your skin at the same time. Brill. 3/5
3) Rimmel Instant Wash-Off Tan, normally around £4.99. Great, quick and easy to apply (although also a product which requires a mitt). In a very frantic attempt to fake tan before a night out last year I forgot to wash my hands and consequently spent the evening hiding my palms which made me resemble a Geordie Shore wannabe. Good for the face too, just be careful about quantities and don’t be too eager in applying in order to avoid any tango-related disasters. On par with St Moriz. 4/5
4) Ambre Solaire Self-Tan No Streak Bronzer Face/Body Mist (£6.99-£8.99 depending on shop, Wilkos is almost always cheaper than Boots/Superdrug.) Now this is fabulous. Apply before bed, and you will wake up looking like you slept-walked to Monaco, lay in the sun for 5 days, and returned to bed, all in a night’s work. It will last a good few days before the need for a top up; however, always remember to close your eyes when spraying on the face to avoid temporary blindness and brief agony. 4/5
5) Fake Bake (buy online and it can be purchased for half the price than if picked up on the high street. Anything from £10-30.) Now, if you’re a millionaire student, aka, your weekly shop is done at Sainsbury’s Local as opposed to Iceland, (or you’re just classier than me who would settle in desperate times for 99p Savers own tanning wipes which smell like Doritos), Fake Bake is arguably one of the best. Although pricier than the average sun-substitute, its quality shows. Faux Glo Wash Off can make your legs resemble Megan Fox’s in an instant. 5/5, if only I was rich.
There you have it! A very unreliable guide to creating the perfect orang-utan look for both your night out to Oceana and your days wandering through uni in the beautiful northern sunshine (by no means guaranteed.)