College is a time to explore. To figure out what we want and how we can get it, who we are as individuals and who we are in relationships. But what happens when we get to the point where we want the benefits of a relationship, but not the complications? And how do we avoid getting sucked into a commitment we don’t actually want to make? Basically, how do we avoid getting attached? This is not advice on how to be heartless or a piece meant to rant on about how awful relationships are. But many of us come to a point in our lives (especially during college years) where it’s just not time to commit to one person. Or our lives become so busy, that we simply don’t have enough time to put in the full effort of being with another person. Relationships are complex incredible things, and some of us just don’t need that right now. So for those who want the benefits, but not the complications here are some guidelines.
Avoid being “Too Personal”: This includes talking about family or personal problems. Going too in depth with someone about their past or their issues creates a new level of bonding.
Avoid compliments: Depending on the compliment, it’s best to avoid getting too romantic. “You’re fun” or “That thing you just did? Amazing” are fine. “You’re so beautiful” and compliments that go a little deeper, not so much.
Avoid making plans: Don’t make plans too far ahead in advance. Thinking about hooking up for three days in advance? Keep it spontaneous and spur of the moment.
Never Sleep Over: Nothing is more intimate than waking up next to someone. Or literally sleeping with them, so it’s best to just not if you don’t want the relationship to progress after the night hours.
Always go to them: Going to them leaves open the option to leave whenever is convenient for you.
And last, but not least, if the little seeds of attachment start to grow, that’s completely normal. Just be up front and say what you feel. Just don’t expect the other person to feel the same way. Or simply walk away if that’s not what you want. We are lucky enough to live in an age and country where we are the deciders of our own sexual destiny. Where we have the right to say yes, say no, and have control over what happens to our body. So get attached or don’t, but never feel obligated to become attached just because “everyone else is doing it.” It’s okay to separate the heart from the body every once in a while, or every night. Whatever your preference. But most importantly, wrap it then tap it. Personal health and hygiene always comes first.
Happy Hunting!