We have all either experienced a breakup ourselves, or know someone very close to us who has. Break ups are tough. Routines change and our hopes and possible plans for the future have suddenly been dashed. The end of a relationship, no matter how short or long it was, is never easy, and there seems to be one word that has alarm bells ringing in our heads – Single.
Of course we want to be in a relationship, that’s what’s happened throughout human history. It is expected of us to meet someone, fall in love, marry and have children. So when a relationship ends where you thought they were ‘The One’, we are left feeling apprehensive about how to face the forthcoming days and nights single. It’s not long before our dear family members like to remind us of our status by asking ‘Are there any nice boys/girls yet?’ to which we reply ‘No, not yet, still single’.
One of the biggest fears is being alone: who will be there for us to share memories, have intimate nights with, and confide in? I have been single for just over two years now, and the beginning of the breakup was hard. Most people would agree that you feel lonely, your self-confidence has plummeted and you spend most of your time feeling sorry for yourself. However, as my friends constantly reminded me, it DOES get easier. Eventually you get back into a new routine and start to wonder what you ever saw in your ex, but for all you girls and guys who may be worrying about the lonely days ahead, and feeling like this:
Stop right now! Here are some reasons why it is more than fine to be single! Remember, I’m not trying to give these reasons to persuade you NOT to have a relationship – these are just some of the benefits that being single has whilst you are.
1. You will meet someone when you least expect to.
You may not meet someone straightaway, so don’t get jealous if you’ve been single for a while and your best friend who has just come out of a relationship is back in another the next week! Relationships are different for everyone. Don’t just get a boyfriend or girlfriend for ‘security’. If you go out trying to find a boyfriend (bf) or girlfriend (gf) it’s unlikely to just happen like that. Life, unfortunately, is not as perfect as what you might see in a romantic chick flick. Yes, there are going to be those days where you sit thinking ‘What if I never meet someone?’, and believe me, I’ve had some of those, but one day, your future other half will just step round the corner when you least expect it. So whilst you’re waiting for this to happen, stop worrying about the single life and see why there are positives to not being in a relationship.
2. What? There is now a free day in my diary?
Being in a relationship can leave your diary overflowing with all the things you have to do, and you find there’s barely any time for all these plans! The first thing I noticed is how much more free time you have. Yes, sometimes it is lonely when you have an empty day which would probably have been taken up seeing your gf/bf, but now, there is time to do other things. That day or weekend you may have been planning to see your bf/gf is now free for something else! Even better, you don’t have to make that hard choice as to who to spend Christmas, New Year’s Eve or other events with. Your choice is a whole lot easier!
3. Get back to studying
Whether we like it or not, our education is an important stage in our lives, so being single during this time is far from the worst thing in the world. With so much studying, coursework and revising to do at College/University, there are fewer distractions when you don’t have a partner to see, and it gives us more time to focus on our career aspirations and working hard towards a good grade! Instead of having a guilty night with your partner when you’re thinking you should be revising, you don’t have to do that!
4. Time for yourself
A lot of us have been in relationships during high school/college/ university and some have even lasted through the whole of these – if this is the case for you, then being single is a good thing for your mind. We have matured more by this age, so I think it actually gives you a chance to reflect on yourself and find out who you are, your interests and what you want. When you’re in a relationship, you want to make that other person happy and you may find things you never dreamed of doing are now starting to appear in your mind. If your bf/gf suggests ‘Let’s move to America’ when we’re older and you say ‘Yes’ when actually your plans were to stay close to home, then that’s not going to work, is it. Being single gives you the chance to think about what you actually want with your life and make these choices based on your decisions.
5. Take those opportunities
So many people don’t take amazing opportunities because of a relationship. I know people who have sacrificed a relationship in order to take up a great opportunity they may never get again and they’ve still made it work! At our age, it could be an opportunity for a placement or internship which will result in a long distance relationship – we are only young once, basically the annoying saying ‘YOLO’ is appropriate here. If you’re not going to do it now, then when? When you’re settled with children? Have a house and other commitments? You can even go on a ‘lads’ or ‘girls’ holiday without worrying what the other half might think. There are tough decisions, but no one knows what will happen in the future, and I believe that you shouldn’t give up on an opportunity just because something ‘might’ happen. When you’re single, you HAVE the chance to take every opportunity that comes your way!
6. Money!
Just think how much richer you are! No more Birthday, Christmas, Anniversary, or Valentine’s Day presents. You now have more money either to save or to just splurge on yourself to get you through those lonely days at the beginning. Hooray!
7. Feelings
Being in a relationship means you will get a million feelings, and one of the worst is missing that person. At the beginning of the break up, this is the worst one to feel. You miss them, you miss their company, you miss everything about them but soon, once you start to get into a new routine, you will realise how you actually haven’t been thinking about them anymore. Missing a person is one of the worst feelings, and when you’re single and over them, you no longer have that gloomy feeling!
8. ‘Oh my god, she can’t talk to him!’
One of the best perks of being single – you actually CAN talk to a person of the opposite sex without having everyone looking at you thinking ‘oh she’s talking to him, but she has a boyfriend’. You no longer have your judgemental friends watching and protecting your every move from another guy or girl who they think might ruin your relationship. You’re single, so nobody cares who you talk to! Another Hooray!
9. ‘Who’s that guy?’
You can now enjoy meeting new people, and you might actually meet someone who is far from the ‘type’ of guy you thought you would like!
So, the next time Beyonce’s ‘Single Ladies’ song comes on, and you’re secretly crying inside, think of all the perks the single life brings!