Maybe you’ve heard of the five love languages, maybe you haven’t, but in honor of Valentine’s Day it may be a good idea to learn a little about this theory on love.
Growing up, we learn a language – maybe several – based on our schooling, family and country, but love is one that few ever master. We each have our own love language, and often become confused when our boyfriends, family and friends don’t understand it or share it. Before we can help others understand our personal love languages, we need to know our own. Below is a guide to the five love languages and tips on how to understand others.
Words of Affirmation
Actions don’t always speak as loud as words. People with this love language prefer compliments, and hearing things like, “I love you,” lift their spirits. Insults affect these people the most and are held onto for a long time. Ultimately, encouraging words build them up and make them feel most loved.
Tip: Does your boyfriend compliment your new haircut and tell you how beautiful you are constantly? His love language is probably words of affirmation which means you need to also speak his language. Maybe you don’t care about compliments, but he sure does so let him know how well he plays that guitar or how nice his new shoes look.
Receiving Gifts
This love language is not based on materialism, but instead the thoughtfulness of the gift. The size and price of a gift don’t necessarily matter, but rather the effort and thought put into the gift.
Tip: Don’t forget a birthday or anniversary – people who speak this love language will never forget. Also, since it doesn’t matter how expensive the gift costs, put your crafting abilities to good use and make a beautiful scarf or a personalized picture frame.
Quality Time
People who speak this love language are all about having undivided attention. They need their loved ones to spend quality time with them consistently. Distractions or postponed activities leave them disappointed but uninterrupted time deepens their connection with others.
Tip: If you are out to dinner with a friend who has this love language, they put their phone on silent just for you – but they also expect the same. Show them you care and commit that hour just to them and your yummy food. They’ll love you for it.
Acts of Service
Helping ease the burden of a task or responsibility for someone with this love language speaks volumes. Their favorite words to hear are: “Let me help you.” If offered, they will accept the assistance. Remember though, broken commitments show these people that they aren’t loved.
Tip: If you notice that the trash is full and your mom is doing 20 other things around the house, take it out. If an act of service is your mom’s love language, she will appreciate the gesture no matter how small (or smelly).
Physical Touch
People with this love language are – shocker – very touchy. They feel most loved when they receive hugs, pats on the back, or even high fives. Physical access is crucial to show love, but neglect can be destructive to relationships.
Tip: Is your sorority sister always trying to cuddle at retreat? It’s probably just an innocent signal that this is her love language. Instead of leaving, ask her how she is or if she’s o.k. – she may be lacking love in other areas of her life.