Dear God,
Are you there God? It’s me, Cara.
I’m here to thank you. You see, for a long time I struggled to even believe. I was raised to follow you, attend your house of worship, and participate in Sunday school. I sang songs of rejoice, recited countless prayers, and always made sure to be the type of person I felt you wanted all your children to be.
In life, we have our struggles that either makes us or, unfortunately, breaks us. I never understood how people do not believe in religion, or that there is no “God.” It was only until I became older that I realized. I don’t know when it started. I knew you were always ‘there’, but somehow, I felt you weren’t for me. The failure of my parents’ marriage was the first strike. Of course, this was nothing you could’ve prevented. But it was when a priest stood on the altar, preaching that people go to hell when they divorce. I knew this wasn’t true, yet, who was I to believe anything different?
The death of my uncle was the second. I’m not sure if I will ever get over his loss. I’m not sure if it’s because I didn’t say goodbye, or how you called for him before preparing us. I was mad. I’m sure you knew. Questions spun like ballerinas dancing across my brain and I began to push you away. Depression took over, anxiety filled my body. All this negativity washed over me. Why this? Hw come that? If God was here? If God was watching? If God was REAL?
I created my own beliefs, and thought of you sparingly. I close the door to church, and remember the words of lyrics, replacing the space in my memory that knew the words to prayers. I was like this until last year. I always thought I’d find a way to you again, somehow. But was unsure how it would be.
September 9, 2016.
You allowed me to walk away from a head on motor accident, unharmed. Even with complete damage and chaos surrounding me during that time, I felt your presence. I can’t describe the overall peace that came over me. And if that wasn’t enough, it was the rosary in my cupholder that never moved. I described it to everyone, tears in my eyes. How everything flew out through the windows. Except for my grandmother’s rosary which know stays with me always. You’re probably thinking, “Duh Cara, I’ve ALWAYS been here.” But to have felt, and then been shown by you, I completely know now.
I am here today stronger than before, especially in my faith. I hear you in my heart with everything I do and in my mind when trouble arises. I know you are pushing me to conquer the best person I can become.
What I’ve learned is that you work in more ways and wonders than all of us on Earth know. I am blessed to know you are with me, and have angels watching me daily. I am proud to say I am a follower. I found my path again.
Thank you always.