For the past couple of weeks, I have been following the Ray Rice incident that happened between him and his now-wife Janay Palmer-Rice. This particular case really struck a chord with me. It wasn’t so much of what Rice did, but more of what the NFL didn’t do. Personally, I believe that the NFL didn’t do enough about the issue and “played dumb,” if you will, to all the rising evidence that showcased that Rice deserved way more than a two-day suspension when the news first broke out. This topic matters because its raising up a conversation that needs to be taken seriously. I’ve heard so many people make a joke out of this issue, but domestic violence isn’t anything to take lightly. So many women are dealing with the hardships of being in an abusive relationship. The way this has unfolded to the public through the actions of the NFL is, on so many levels, wrong.
Everyone probably already knows about the case of Michael Vick. It’s very alarming how a man could get two years in prison for the endangerment of dogs, but Rice gets a suspension (really, a slap on the wrist) for knocking his wife out. If this comparison doesn’t speak volume to the way we value our women in our society, I really don’t know what will. And yes, of course, I know that there are a lot of things that go into arresting someone for domestic abuse, one of them being that Palmer would have to rise up and say she feels unsafe or that she doesn’t want him around. Nevertheless, even if she didn’t say anything, there are tapes that we have all seen that showcase clearly what was done to her. And the fact that so many people truly believe that she “got what she deserved” is really appalling.
While watching this interview, it really stuck out to me how Goodell states that no one ever saw the video before Monday, Sept. 8, 2014. I don’t believe that due to the fact that the videos that were leaked all went viral. You would have had to be living under a rock for the past couple of months, weeks even, to not have seen those videos. Another thing that raised an eyebrow was when Goodell implied that Rice could eventually be permitted to play once again in the NFL if he proves to have changed. I personally don’t doubt that for one moment. He probably will get a second chance. He probably will be forgiven and soon we’ll all move on to the next topic. Nevertheless, I don’t want to solely focus on Rice and his situation of ever being able to play professionally again. I want to focus on the example and the message that is there between the lines, and what it’s saying not only to the everyday victimized, but to the everyday victimizer.
Right now, Rice has it better than he should. The fact that he could abuse his wife and it is placed on display for the world to see and he only gets suspended or fired temporarily is saying something. The fact that Palmer stood by Rice after what happened and even married him is saying something. The victimizer could look at this and probably feel at ease. They might feel that if they continue to play the “conflicted person who is trying to change” role, things will work out fine. They won’t get arrested, they won’t lose their family, they won’t lose their lover. They might lose their job, but it’s only temporarily. And pretty soon, all of this will die down, even if it’s made public. The victimized probably look at this and feel even worse about themselves. They probably won’t even think about reaching out for help because they might be afraid that they’ll be blamed, just like Palmer was by some people. There hasn’t been much justice for Palmer, regardless of whether she wanted it or not, and that could also play a role in them remaining silent.
They probably think that even if they do tell, nothing is going to happen to him or her.
Both Palmer and Rice came out publicly to speak on this issue and the way it has affected them. Many people have even disagreed with Palmer’s decision to stay with Rice. I honestly don’t understand it, nor do I agree with her decision. I don’t want to be biased. And because I have never been in that type of relationship. I can’t speak about her actions or even weigh in on her decisions. I was not there. I haven’t been in her shoes. Therefore, I have no right to judge her. So I won’t. There have been so many amazing and brave young women who have come out to tell their own stories of #WhyIStayed, such as Malinda Maier. I think it’s necessary for this post to share her video and story of being in an abusive relationship. Maier touches bases on the incident with Palmer in a way that I honestly couldn’t have. Women like her really are an inspiration and a light switch in a dark room.
Domestic violence and physical assault is a reality that is far too common among women. It is not only happening in homes behind closed doors, but also on our campuses. I believe that it is our duty to speak up on these things. I want any girl or guy who may be reading this to know that many people are going through the same thing as you are. Don’t feel like you’re helpless or weak. There are many people who are willing to help you and to walk with you through whatever stage you are in. Your testimony is worth more than you know.
Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-7233
You are not alone.
Credits: CNN, CBS, TMZ and Malinda Maier for the use of their videos.