After finishing our first book as a class a few weeks ago, my intro to humanities class was given our first assignment of the lengthy variety. We were told to write a fictional resume and cover letter as potential interns for one of two characters from the story. The purpose of the assignment was (of course) to get us to practice the professional skills it took to write a Curriculum Vitae, but it was just as much a creative exercise as anything else. Easy enough, right?
I did what the assignment required and created a fake persona for myself. Then I started over and created a different one. Then I started over again. It was a simple task, but every time I began writing, I could immediately picture my professor reading it. The thought made me so uncomfortable that it took me much longer than normal to finish what should have been an enjoyable assignment (writing is, after all, my “thing”). I had never experienced this before, and I started to wonder if maybe I wasn’t all that great of a writer after all. The last thing I wanted, after an opportunity to show off something I was supposed to be able to do with ease, was to expose the fact that it wasn’t a skill of mine at all.
I am not the first person to experience this after starting college. Entering an environment as fresh and stimulating as a college campus can bring a lot of new feelings to the surface. Among these feelings, for many new students, is fear that the fact that you haven’t adjusted to your new environment means you don’t belong there. That maybe you aren’t a good writer, student, person after all, and any minute, someone is going to call you on it. This phenomenon is known as Imposter Syndrome. It can stop students from turning in assignments they would have received exceptional grades on, joining clubs they would have fit into perfectly, or in some cases, can even cause them to withdraw from classes altogether.
If you have been through this, you aren’t alone. Although Imposter Syndrome is more typical of an experience in brand new members (more than usually women) of the workforce who feel as though they are a fraud in their new job, it’s very easy to experience this as a brand new college student as well, especially if you chose a school out of your home state (NPR featured an explanation of why this actually happens quite easily in a 2013 episode, the transcript of which you can read here*). Lack of familiarity can result in a sense of confusion as to why you can’t razzle-dazzle the same way you did back home or last year- things that were once easy can seem difficult and awkward, and it leads to wondering if those things ever came easily at all. Maybe they didn’t- maybe you had them fooled all along. You were rewarded with acceptance into your university, into a new group of friends, or into a new club, but instead of feeling proud, you feel like you’ve tricked someone along the way. Of course, if you’re one of the unlucky victims of Imposter Syndrome, this is common sense to you. The question you’re probably looking for an answer to is, how do I shake it off?
This is where the people you love and trust come in. Plain and simple, talk to them. When you start to feel like you don’t belong or deserve to be where you are, express those feelings to someone you feel comfortable doing so, whether it be a family member or your best friend. Imposter Syndrome is far more common than you’d think, and there is a good chance you will be completely understood. These are the people in your life who know, more than anyone else, that you’re great at what you do and deserve to be where you are. Let them remind you.
Secondly, I cannot stress this enough- even though you feel like you’re faking it, do NOT stop altogether. Keep writing, keep getting involved, keep doing your job and your homework, keep doing whatever it is your mind is telling you that you can’t actually do. Some of the best work comes from the infamous “fake it ’til you make it” rhetoric. If you can continue to put forth the effort of the person you think you should be, it won’t be long until you remember that you were already that person to start with. You DO belong, you DO deserve to be where you are, and you are NOT alone in feeling like you aren’t.
*http://www.npr.org/2013/10/16/235188760/why-college-freshman-may-feel-li…