How the “Crazy Ex-boyfriend” Label is Problematic
“Crazy Ex-boyfriend” is something that is said in society constantly. Most of the time people don’t think about what it really means. It’s a phrase that is said without much thought. It doesn’t help when the media also pushes the crazy ex-boyfriend stereotype and we’re left to realize on our own that movies and TV shows do a superb job of romanticizing things that shouldn’t be romanticized.
I’ve seen plenty of movies where a lot of the focus is on the types of boyfriends a girl has had. Very nonchalantly a character will say “…my crazy ex-boyfriend,” refering someone who will not leave or is overly attached. Somehow that definition also implies that women bring out the craziness in men.
A film that was made following a man who is tormenting the life if an ex-partner. The Perfect Guy ws realeased in 2015, starring Sanaa Lathan, Michael Ealy, and Morris Chestnut as major roles.
The tag of the crazy ex-boyfriend is not a joke. Women become afraid, in a sense, and they fear being in close proximity with an ex-boyfriend, seeing them, or even just hearing to the sound of their voice.
A study done in 2010 reported that 85% of women experienced abuse from an intimate partner. In 2012-2013 reports demonstrated that 34% of women would lose their lives at the hands of a current or prior partner. This is a sad truth, and I am tired of the phrase crazy ex-boyfriend blurring these numbers and the lives that are lost at the hands of these men.
As women, we often feel that we are in a competition for visibility and attention, especially when it comes to the male gaze. But we need to be better to each other. We have to call out situations in which these words are used without caution. More importantly, we must also support women of color, who have higher chances of experiencing abuse. We are in an era in which patriarchal language is not something we should tolerate. The phrase “crazy ex-boyfriend” should stop being thrown back and forth in everyday conversation because it is traumatic and triggering for many women. We also need to learn what feminsim is, the definition of which largely comes from who is defining it. Feminism, when said out loud, most often refers to white feminism. Why, you ask? Because the feminism that is being talked about in regards to the needs of women of color is always seen as “other” because that is what we are considered – an other. Feminism in its original form will never be enough if it only includes the stance and bodies of white women. There are more bodies that need to be seen.
This film has Jennifer Lopez and Billy Campell as the major roles. Follows the story of a young woman who tries to escape from an ex-partner; we follow the female lead into a turmultous jounrey of trying to regain the power and safety of her own life.
A reminder: we all need to do better and white women need to pay attention to the patterns and numbers. You need to support your fellow women of color because throughout history our bodies have been seen as a fantasy, fetish, and an itch. Our bodies have been pricked and dissected through centuries and yet we have overcome. Our stories are heavy and they should heavily weigh on all feminist discussions, as such in the topic of the crazy ex-boyfriend phrase.
Thus, just think. Really examine your thoughts the next time you mention a crazy-ex boyfriend. You may not realize it, but you are allowing the problem to continue; you are repeating the phrase to many women as the individual that decides when their lives must end.