Tensions are high. Existing is getting difficult. Uncomfortable amounts of red and pink are infiltrating every aspect of life. Flowers keep arriving for everyone- everyone but you, that is. People left and right are talking about dinner plans and gift ideas, and engaging in higher-than-average amounts of public displays of affection. Underlying all of this is that question that you dread, the question that people ask only because they feel like sharing their Ultimate Romance Marathon plans with you- “What are you doing for Valentine’s Day?”
In and out of relationships, there are a lot of ways to respond to this question. You’re treating it like every other day, you’re taking a hot air balloon to Paris for the night, you’re having a wine day with the girls, or you refuse to even recognize this contrived holiday that was created by consumerism and social pressure to conform to a traditional and tired view of love. The general consensus, however, seems to be that if your plan doesn’t involve a significant other and a significant celebration, you’re not doing your part as a human being living in February.
You’ve heard the advice. You’re supposed to spend time on yourself this Valentine’s Day. Treat yourself to chocolate and wine, or whatever your particular brand of food happiness might be. Girl’s night, anti-Valentine’s Day, or solitary spa day with lots and lots of Netflix sprinkled in- sounds familiar, right? No matter how well-meaning and earnest, this advice never really fails to sound like a consolation prize. The winners of society are doing their biological duty- pairing off and having a great time in their courting rituals. The rest… Well the rest can still have fun! It’s just, you know, not as successful fun.
To put it eloquently- this sucks. This sucks more than the black hole of despair that lies at the center of all of our beings. This deep need for a relationship is ingrained through pesky biological nature and love-song-and-rom-com nurture. It’s incredibly hard to escape because it waits around every corner like a flasher who, by some unlucky coincidence also happens to be omnipresent. He shows up everywhere and make you really uncomfortable because you’re so use to him that you should be able to ignore him and go about your daily life. You’re a Strong, Independent Woman and you should be able to show this flasher who’s boss. But it’s tough because the pressure to pair off is always there, and it can sneak up on you at the most unlikely of moments.
You can get rid of your relationship flasher by not caring about anything. Resign yourself to the life of the spinster who all the neighborhood children think is a witch. Do what you want, when you want, and don’t hold back. Come to the conclusion that you are the center of your own universe, and learn to walk the line between treating yourself as such and also not being a completely terrible person. Become super jaded, learn to love being alone, whether in small doses or large ones. Treat yourself like your idealized partner would treat you- you’re probably a more reliable significant other anyway. If you just don’t care about anything or anyone besides yourself, no one can hurt you, right?
Be unfeeling, cynical, and never take anything seriously. This is how you become invincible and ascend to godhood. Choose benevolence, oh Mighty One. Scoff at the people who were condescending about the fact that you didn’t have a date for Valentine’s Day. You may not have a date other than yourself, but you’re a god now, so who’s the real winner here?