We’ve all seen the movie “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days,” in which an author (played by the timeless Kate Hudson) goes on a mission to discover what things women do to hurt romantic relationships by selecting an unsuspecting victim (portrayed by the wonderful Matthew McConaughey) as a guinea pig. In the movie, Kate’s antics are hilarious and cringe-worthily predictable as to why the poor man would want to run in the other direction. However, in a real life situation, it’s usually a little more difficult to pinpoint the seemingly harmless idiosyncrasies that might actually be big turn offs. After doing some sleuthing myself (unfortunately no McConaughey-like test subject was involved), I have compiled a list of four ways you might be putting an unnecessary strain on your relationship.
1. Acting one way, then suddenly changing “who you are”
We’ve all been slightly guilty of this one. This includes the classic “Facebook stalk him for all of his interests, then magically happen to love those exact same things.” This goes for everything including favorite sports teams, musicians and routes to school. While it’s great to have similar hobbies, it’s definitely better to learn about them from him (in person) and it is also great to have differences in opinions, interests and the like. Also, moment of truth: if you feel like you have to drastically change who you are for him to even consider liking you, maybe he’s not Mr. Right – just some food for thought.
2. Becoming jealous
This can be a slippery slope in many ways. First of all, no one should want to go around accusing someone of infidelity every five seconds, nor does someone like to have that accusation placed upon them – especially multiple times. On the other hand, blind naivety is never a good thing either. It is important for you to acknowledge that he will have other friends that are girls, just like he needs to realize that you will have other guy friends. If you feel hurt or a little suspicious, make sure you tell him pronto and provide some examples as to why and when you felt that way.
3. Not giving each other enough space
It can become tempting to want to spend every waking second with your main squeeze, especially if you have just started dating; however, boundaries are crucial. It is important to find that perfect balance of hanging out with each other versus spending time alone or with other friends. I think we all have made the mistake of pushing our other friends away (not necessarily on purpose) because we are so focused on that special someone. We need to remember that quality time with friends is just as important as time with the beau because we need opportunities to recharge, gain a new perspective on possible disagreements and connect with your other comrades.
4. Becoming too passive-aggressive
While it may be easier to shrug something off and pretend it doesn’t bother you, I want to encourage you to believe that your feelings are valid and that they’re something that should be dealt with the second they surface. The more you bottle them up, the bigger (and possibly more catastrophic) the explosion will be when you reach the breaking point. If he does or says something that bugs you, tell him upfront rather than try to send him subliminal messages. While guys are great, many of them will readily admit that their radar simply does not pick up on these messages, which results in a frustrated girl and a confused boy.
While these problem areas are easier to identify in other people’s relationships than our own and possibly difficult to eliminate, it’s good to at least know they exist – hopefully, this article puts them on your radar. Also, rest assured that you are not alone in these struggles and that they are things we all battle.