1. Denial
You just lost someone important to you. It hits you hard all of a sudden and your mind is scrambling to process it all.
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Symptoms: Some crying, a lot of ice cream eating and calling of friends for comfort. This is the beginning of the ranting phase. But it’s okay. The more you talk about it, the better it makes you feel. Just let it all out.
2. The Morning After
You’ve had time to sleep on this and you finally realize that it’s over. Not only have you lost a romantic partner, but most importantly, you’ve lost a really good friend. This will be the time where it hurts the worst.
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Symptoms: Your life now is made up of alternating cycles of crying and lying in bed or both at the same time. Your chest will constantly feel like it’s been blown up by a bomb. You’ll be scrambling for something that will make you feel better, anything to make you feel better. If you can get through these next few days/weeks, then you’ll be golden, trust me. It’ll be tough, but hang in there.
3. The “I’m tired of this bullsh*t” stage
This is the stage where you realize you’re tired of feeling sorry for yourself and moping around the house crying. Enough is enough. If you’ve hit this stage, congratulations because you’re officially on the road to recovery. This stage by no means mean that you still won’t feel sad or hurt over the whole thing but it also means that you’re finally allowing yourself to feel something other than sadness.
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Symptoms: Anger. You will feel anger for someone breaking your heart and hurting you like this. Also, confusion for still caring a lot about that person. You push the awesome hot mess that is yourself off the floor and as a result, you start to feel moments of joy come back into your life.
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4. Acceptance.
This is the stage where you accept the situation for what it is and is able to look back on it from an objective point of view. Most importantly, your vision is no longer clouded so you can learn and grow from your experience.
Symptoms: You will, for brief moments, still feel a bit sad that it ended and if that person touched your life in a deep way, I personally think that a small part of you will always miss that person and wonder how they’re doing no matter how much time has passed. Missing them is okay. And then one day, you wake up and totally unexpectedly realize you’re completely 100% fine.
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BONUS: Advice from me to you
1. NEVER forget that the other person DOES NOT define your worth
Only you get to define how much you value yourself. Losing your significant other does not diminish your self worth in any way. You do not need someone’s love to be whole.What you need is your own love.
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2. Surround yourself with people who love you. FRIENDS ARE EVERYTHING.
Not to brag or anything but, going through this breakup, I realized just how incredibly AWESOME my friends are. They safeguard my heart so well and pour out love so unconditionally. I am so honored to have such great people in my life.
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3. Don’t forget to be kind
It’s easy to get caught up in the pain and the whole “hate your ex” cliche and everything, but personally, I think it’s easier for both parties if everything is handled with a gentle hand and heart. It’s a sign of maturity when instead of hating the other person, you try to understand why they had to do what they did.
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4. Don’t forget your academics
Know that you pay to attend school and you’re ultimately here for an education and a future, not a spouse. To quote my friend: “Your person should only be bringing you up.” Plus, a girl who can hold an educated conversation is SEXY.
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5. Accept the love you’re not given.
Much of life is all about perspective and how you view situations. Their love (or lack of) isn’t stopping you from moving on (because it doesn’t exist). So accept the love you’re not given. You hold the keys to your own freedom.
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6. Throw yourself at new experiences (but not new romantic partners!)
I believe life is just an accumulation of experiences. We only have a limited time on this earth so why not make those experiences breathless? Experiencing new things is such a good way to keep your mind off from obsessing over what’s happened. A word of caution though, throwing yourself at potential romantic partners can be extremely destructive right after a breakup. You need good and healthy distractions and some time to heal.
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7. Take time for yourself and feel beautiful
Although it’s important to go outside and experience things, don’t forget to take some time and make sure you’re taking care of yourself and feeling beautiful. To quote Queen Bey “Yonce fillin’ out this skirt, I look damn good, I ain’t lost it.” Go and be the girl that is a force to be reckoned with. After all, you are fierce and brave and unstoppable.
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See you in Sydney, babe.
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