Like many, I wanted to start afresh when I came to Kenyon. I wanted to show the very best part of me. I wanted to make a new impression. I wanted to be independent. Self-sufficient. I wanted to be strong.
But what does that even mean? What does being a strong young woman imply? Ideas swarmed through my head, most of them crazy, I will admit. Does being strong mean I had to cut my hair short, not shave my legs, or discard what little makeup I wear?
Does being strong mean I had to reject marriage and family as patriarchal institutions? And if that’s too extreme, does being strong mean I have to be the businesswoman, the breadwinner of my family? Does it mean that I had to forsake all “female oriented” jobs, like teaching and nursing, on principle and because I couldn’t possibly be the breadwinner with one of those jobs? Does it mean I have to parade around Times Square protesting…naked?
But what if I don’t want to cut my hair? What if my hairy legs annoy the shit out of me? What if I want to settle down and have kids in a few years, and take my husband’s name? What if I want to pursue my dream job as a librarian? What if I like my body fully clothed in public?
Will I be seen as weak?
I simply did not know. So I turned to the young women of my class, Class of 2019. I wanted to know what they thought. What did young women my age picture as a strong woman? I asked, and they answered.
Juviand Rivera
“Being a strong woman has a lot to do with knowing and loving yourself. In order to be a strong women- or person in general—you must know your strengths and weaknesses, who you are and who you aren’t and who you want to be. Despite what you think are weaknesses and shortcomings, you love yourself unconditionally.”
Hinnah Mian
“Someone [who’s] not afraid to be themselves I guess. It sounds super cliché but it seems like the whole world doesn’t want a woman to be anything like herself. If she likes video games, she’s a poseur, if she likes something even as trivial as coffee, she’s “generic.” It seems like by being yourself you’re already fighting the system, which is sad that that’s what society’s come to.”
Abby Kasternberg
“A strong woman is someone who makes her decisions for herself, and tries not to let other people define her self worth.”
Ali Georgescu
“I think a strong woman isn’t afraid to be alone, and isn’t afraid of company.”
Charlotte ‘Chuck’ Gorman
“My definition of a strong woman…my mom”
Elise Tran
“In truth, I’m not a fan of the term ‘strong women.’ The word ‘strong’ when used to describe women these days insinuates a set of standards that a woman must meet in order to attain that descriptor, insinuates that there is a ‘right’ way to be strong, and a ‘wrong’ way, when in reality such a dichotomy doesn’t exist.
A strong woman has weakness. A strong woman has flaws. A strong woman has the same indefinable qualities that compose any other carbon-based humanoid, equally complex and equally entitled to that imperfection.”
Teahelahn Kiethrafferty
“A woman who can take care of herself may be self-sufficient, or independent, but this does not always make someone strong. Self-confidence plays a part, but it is not all. The strongest woman I know can also accept when she is afraid. She has cried, and will cry again, in both joy and sorrow. Perhaps most important of all, though, she can buckle down, even when it’s hard, and ask for help. She knows that being helpless does not infringe on her strength, it just means she needs help. But in truth, what makes a strong woman makes a strong man, or a strong anyone. We are stronger together, when we do not put others down with our ‘strength,’ but when we use it to help one another. This is what makes people strong.”
Eryn Powell
“To me, being a strong woman is more than just being independent. I don’t believe that strength is gender specific or is different for one genre or the other; however, there is a balancing act between what is considered strong and what is expected from the stereotypical ‘gentle’ woman. Being a strong woman simply means that you understand your value as a woman and that you are willing to acknowledge it, [whether] that means standing up for yourself or just being a good friend even when you don’t feel like dealing with anyone else problems.”
Michelle Reed
“I think that a certain percentage of feminists try to promote the idea that a ‘strong’ woman is one who is both physically and emotionally tough. However, I disagree. I think what makes a woman—or a man—strong is her ability to be true to her personality, her values, and her passions.
Audrey Avril
“I think it’s a difficult question for me to answer because the title ‘strong woman’ requires thinking of characteristics as being of a particular gender. As in, there are characteristics that makes someone strong, and then there are those that make someone a strong woman. So there are the classic definitions of strength, like independence, intelligence, assertiveness, and courage. I think strong women are often categorized as having these, but more so: she has to be more independent, more assertive to get what she wants and ‘earn the title.’
“But I also think this need to overplay these characteristics causes an under appreciation for women who are not this stereotypically dominating, courageous, independent woman who don’t need no man. Any woman who can live on her own terms could be considered a strong woman.”
I took a lot from the wonderful answers these ladies gave me. They made me aware of the very true fact that strength does not belong to a single gender and therefore strength in a woman can be found man in the same way. They reaffirmed the knowledge within me that strength is standing up for what I believe and not letting others define my personal strength. However, they also reminded me that a strong individual cannot be strong at every moment in their life and that is okay.
I now believe strength is self-defined. I don’t know exactly what I believe to be my personal strength, but I hope to find my definition over the course of my next four years here at Kenyon.
Image Credit: Facebook, MoviePoster, Vegan Feminists Network, We Heart It