I became aware of how integral social media was to the experience of going to college for the first time by observing my many freshmen Facebook friends. I saw that upon arriving to campus almost everyone I knew scrambled to find friends, naturally, and then to post proof of said friends, unnaturally. My social media feed was flooded with first or second night of college “selfies” and “squad pictures”. In essence, this was September:
Source: http://giphy.com/gifs/whitepeoplegifs-selfies-ldoGBqBWEWK2s
I recognize that for some people celebrating the moment means editing and captioning it, and being on your own for the first time is, granted, a big moment. However, a majority of those pictures felt anything but sincere. They looked a little awkward and a lot like they were meant to prove something. These incoming freshmen looked as if they were trying to prove to their family and friends that they were “making it” because they had met and found friends.
Source: http://giphy.com/gifs/nervous-smiling-1hWJX1zzshWgw
There’s nothing wrong with taking pictures with your friends or better yet making friends! There’s just a line between appreciating your friends and devaluing them through social media, between living for the moment and living for the good Instagram shot.
Maybe it’s because I’m a more private person, but I always felt guilty snap-chatting a coffee date or lunch date between a friend and I. Unless my friends and I are dressed up for something, I tend to leave my phone in my bag. I think it’s because I want that person to know that when I am with them, whether in a bustling coffee shop or watching Netflix on a Friday night, I am only there for them.
Source http://giphy.com/gifs/black-and-white-friends-laughing-s4JPVZh3VzyDK
It just feels like there’s something lost when the moment is shared with everyone you know, whether it’s your first dinner with friends or a conversation tucked in-between booths at Wiggins. It makes the experience feel less genuine, especially when you’ve just met that person. Parading your friendships when they aren’t solidified seems to imply that you’re there with that person more for status than sentiment.
Source: http://giphy.com/gifs/television-jimmy-fallon-stephen-colbert-iOZsCh0KPOV32
You may ask, “But, Becca, how will people ever know that my college experience has been going just as wonderfully as the movies, family stories, and teary-eyed strangers made it out to be? Doesn’t my college experience have to be perfect, and have I failed if it’s not?” Maybe you wouldn’t ask this, but I sure did my first week of college when I realized something so incredibly important: It’s not all Instagram-worthy.
Source: http://giphy.com/gifs/what-confused-OKttTanTR7bws
It’s a lot of crying and it’s a lot of growing and it’s a lot of eating and writing an article at 2:00 AM, and I think it’s really important to allow yourself that one of the biggest transitions of your life can also feel like one of the biggest train wrecks of your life. It doesn’t all have to be perfect.
You do not have anything to prove. It doesn’t mean your somehow failing because you don’t have a “squad” or the best friends you’ve been hearing you’ll make for years. What you see on social media is the diluted, edited, and carefully constructed “reality” that user wants you to see. Do not compare or condemn yourself because your college experience isn’t equivalent to the college experience the person in question probably isn’t living themselves.
Source: http://giphy.com/gifs/despicable-me-minions-shrug-6SiHMUtIC9S1i
If you want to share your first weekend party, then do so – it’s exciting! But before you share, try to ask yourself if you are posting to prove something or posting to share a big moment. You, and your college experience, do not owe perfection to anyone.