I, like many others, began wearing makeup in middle school. For the first year, I really had no idea what I was doing. I experimented with everything, and I enjoyed trying out new ways to express myself and make my face look different. By eighth grade, while I was still wearing pretty simple makeup on a regular basis (concealer and mascara), other girls were starting to get more experienced, and they would wear full coverage foundation, eye shadow, eyeliner, things that were foreign to me, but that I noticed made people look absolutely flawless. I would look at television shows and magazines that had such models with perfectly done makeup, and, being an awkward middle schooler, I craved that more mature beauty. So, when I was finally taught by my friends how to line my lower waterline with black eyeliner, make my eyelashes fuller, and wear more foundation, I was completely on board. Queue heavy eyeliner phase. I became obsessed with my makeup, especially my eye makeup. In my world, eye makeup made me look exponentially older, and because of my short stature and general youth, I LOVED that. Makeup made me feel beautiful. And isn’t that what makeup is for? Not quite.
(The actual first time I ever wore eyeliner)
Makeup should be something that enhances your look. It should be something that makes you feel beautiful. It allows people to express themselves in new ways. It offers a way for people to make their face into a work of art, and let’s be honest, it can be incredibly fun to do. But, at that time, I often saw makeup as a necessity. I wouldn’t leave the house without it, and I felt ugly and unhappy whenever my face was bare. Instead of wearing makeup as a fun accent, it became my necessary reality, and for me, it had a very drastic effect on my self-esteem. Simply put, without makeup on, I was unhappy.
Luckily, my heavy eyeliner stage ended as high school began, and throughout high school I began to move toward a more natural makeup look. I still felt it necessary to wear makeup every day, especially to school, but I was more okay with a more simplistic routine. And, during the second half of my time in high school, I began to actually feel more liberated about my makeup choices. I saw myself as more “natural” for wearing less makeup, and I felt as though I had found the perfect balance for my makeup routine.
(High school what up)
It can’t really be considered the “perfect makeup routine,” though, because although I had figured out which products I liked best, my relationship with makeup was still very unhealthy. I felt obligated to put on makeup every day or else I wasn’t myself. I didn’t like for people to see me without makeup, and I felt incredibly uncomfortable when I had to be in public situations without my “face” on.
During my freshman year of college, this became even more pronounced because I was meeting so many new people. I didn’t want people to meet me with makeup on one day and see them without it the next because I felt as though people would think of me differently when they saw how different I looked without foundation and concealer to smooth over all of my flaws. Even on days when I was running late or didn’t feel like putting it on, my makeup always had to be a part of my routine. I even remember rushing to an HC Kenyon brunch one morning completely freaked out because I hadn’t had time to put on my makeup. Even though I felt that I was a more mature young adult, I was still being controlled by my relationship with makeup.
(College makeup)
Luckily, this story has a good ending. My epiphany moment occurred while I was in the middle of rural West Virginia, where I worked this past summer. I spent all summer working with hundreds upon hundreds of people, and I was makeup-free the entire time. I worked crazy hours, and for the first time in my life, I didn’t have the time to make makeup a priority. There were so many other things that felt more important than smacking some goop on my face that I would inevitably sweat off in a couple hours anyway. It was incredible. And, the crazy part is that I never once felt self-conscious about how my face looked, and I was even complimented by friends and homeowners about my appearance. For the first time in my life, I genuinely felt beautiful without makeup, and more than that, I was able to finally realize that my makeup really doesn’t matter all that much. Of course, it’s really fun to dress up and express yourself with makeup, but it’s not the thing that defines a person. People will still love me even if my face doesn’t always look flawless, and even more than that, people love me for other things even when I’m wearing makeup.
(Makeup-free in WV)
I’m back at school now, and it has been so liberating to wake up most mornings and say, “Hey, I don’t want to put on makeup this morning,” and then proceed to follow through with that statement. I think that It’s also allowed me to enjoy wearing makeup even more because it’s no longer a chore or a necessity. When I put on makeup, it’s because I genuinely want to put it on.
Makeup is something that we have been told should define and dictate our every waking moment, but the fact of the matter is that it doesn’t have to if we don’t want it to. I’m not saying that wearing makeup is bad, I just found that for the majority of my life, I was using it in an unhealthy way and making a good thing into something ugly. I love makeup even more now because now I get to wear it on my own terms, and I’ve reclaimed power over that part of my life.
Image Credit: Jenna Bouquot