To the Boy who drunk dialed… texted… dialed again and told me to “take it as a compliment,”
You have no authority over when a woman can or cannot feel disrespected. When I said I felt disrespected, I communicated my feelings, and your intentions do not discount this. Actions and intentions are not the same. Your intention cannot excuse the blatant effect you had on me. I am not asking for you to explain away the situation, make it better with excuses and words. I am asking you to stop.
Stop and listen to what I have to say. Stop denying the disrespect you showed me.
The worst part is that I can’t put all the blame on you. I can and do blame you for your actions, but the understanding you have of them is fueled by a cultural fire. For every time I attempt to explain what is wrong with this situation, a hundred more voices will validate your logic. Too many were taught, just like you were, that a woman should be honored to be woken up by a midnight pickup attempt. No honor was bestowed on me. No man or culture needs to give me honor; It is already exists inside of me.
I understand that you believe any girl should be flattered to get your call, any call that carries romantic or sexual male interest. A catcall and a call to invite the sweet girl from English class to dinner are one and the same to you. What you need to understand is that these calls devalue me and every other woman to nothing more than sexual objects. Those words tell any human being that they should feel lucky to have male attention, even if it makes them uncomfortable. In saying that I should be flattered, you say that I should be grateful for unwanted advances of any male admirer who elects to grant his favor on me. This is not flattery.
This is misogyny at its finest.
When a person does not reciprocate your advances, they do not want them. When I tell you I do not want your attention, to continue is unacceptable. Whether you are calling on the phone, asking for a dance, offering a drink—when someone does not accept and you persist anyway—it is harassment.
I have no obligation to accept your calls or texts to “just be polite” and to ensure your ego isn’t bruised by a blunt or public refusal. Actions that condone your behavior and hide my true feelings only support the notion that my feelings and my self-respect are worth less than your own. I will not say that any man’s wants should be my wants. My body is not here to be admired or praised. It is here to be a living, breathing being. My body is filled by a mind and soul just like yours. I have my own wants, my own wishes, my own desires.
Yes, I have sexual desires that aren’t fulfilled by yours. No number of calls or texts will make me believe that I want you or should want you. The number of attempts you make does not correlate to the prejudice behind the circumstances. It does not decrease the fact that a girl should not have to be woken up in the middle of the night solely because of your wants. Drunkenness is not an excuse. The drunkenness reveals what you truly think of me.
I’m not asking for an apology. I’m asking for a change. For your respect. Respect my sleep. Respect my personal wishes. Respect my feelings and my right to feel insulted or uncomfortable despite male intentions. Respect my right to have wants or wishes that you don’t agree with or don’t make sense to you. They don’t have to.
Sincerely,
The Girl who declined your calls and texts and who “took it the wrong way”
Image Credit: Steve Maraboli on Tumblr