Tinder, Bumble, Coffee Meets Bagel, Hinge, OK Cupid, Grindr, Happn… the list goes on. Dating applications flood our mainstream world and there’s no denying that they have come to dominate dating spheres of all ages. Online dating has certainly lost the stigma that it used to carry over its head anywhere it went and has been more or less normalized in society. However, online dating has begun to faze out and mobile dating has taken its place. In my personal sphere, there isn’t one person I know who hasn’t at least checked out one of these dating apps I’ve just listed, even if it’s just out of sheer curiosity. So many of us do it, but why?
Online dating quickens up the game a bit for older members of society who have already had their turn going around the dating scene a couple of times. These people don’t have the time or energy to spend nights chatting up randoms at bars or slipping their number to every other cute barista they encounter. So what’s the excuse for the younger members of society? There isn’t one. The fear of missing out and the need for immediacy among Millenials and young adults has paved the path to an ideal breeding ground for dating apps. Dating on the go is the perfect solution for generations on the go who practically require 24/7 access to the whole world at their fingertips.nn
Casual hookups, long-term relationships, one night stands, and everything else in between have all been forged from a singular swipe to the right on a cellular photo. Want a date for your cousin’s upcoming wedding next month? Want a date for a formal this weekend? Want someone to keep you company tonight? No problem. Dating apps seem to solve all of our problems, don’t they?
Dating apps have infested my world as I’m sure they have infested many of yours as well. These apps allow us, theoretically, to finally say hi to that cute regular at the coffee shop. The only difference is that there is no coffee shop; there is literally no physical entity that you must pass through in order to engage with one another. The virtual security we have found through our pixelated screens removes all of the fear that comes with the potential for instant face-to-face rejection. Working up the courage to type a few characters on a keyboard is exponentially softer on the psyche. Then, when that one person in the coffee shop maybe doesn’t work out, or maybe simply never even matches with you, you’ll have hundreds of more potential coffee shop matches waiting at your fingertips. The surplus of potential romantic, sexual, or even just platonic relationships makes the whole dating process less daunting. It allows you to swipe right on that person who is way out of your league and still not care if you don’t match or get a response. You might have compliments and cheesy pick ups lines flooding your inboxes and you might complain about how much it annoys you. However, whether people admit it or not, hopping on a dating app is quite a gratifying experience when you’re feeling down on your luck. It makes you feel noticed in a world where it seems like no one even looks at you when you walk into a room. I, for one, have an entire folder dedicated to these apps on my mobile device that I’ll hop onto every now and then. Often it’s just to kill some time and to see who’s out there, with absolutely no intention to ever meet up with any of the suitors that pop up in my inbox. But, hey, I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t a nice feeling to match with someone really attractive, and, unfortunately, something as superficial as a dating app has become a huge confidence booster for me, which in itself is a huge flaw in the concept of dating apps.
I could go on for days about the positive and, of course, negative psychological effects dating apps have on young minds, but all I can say is, sure, the concept of dating apps is strange. The days of having to leave your home in order to pick someone up are long gone. All you have to do is swipe right. The next question, though, is how exactly do you get someone to swipe right on you? My Tinder bio, for an extended period of time, was “150 characters can’t describe me.” Looking back on it now, that seems like a bit of a pretentious bio, but it’s still a true statement. How can you decide whether you like someone based on a sentence or two, maybe a string of emojis, and a few photos of them? That being said, to light this up, I’ve made a collection over the past month or so of dating app bios that I have stumbled across and have categorized them into a list I like to call: Dudes of Tinder.
Enjoy.
The Overgrown Frat Boys:
- “Work hard, play harder.”
- “Psychologically hygienic. My left swipe is vicious. My hero is me next year.”
- “I drive a supercharged BMW”
- “Still trying to master the art of DM’s”
- “Trade bonds by day, wine recommendations by night”
- “Just your average well mannered man who is not a fuckboy at all”
- “Sorry about the shirtless bathroom selfie”
The Pretentious Hipsters:
- “Amateur wine drinker looking for a warm counterpart this winter”
- “Please share favorite whiskies. Ask me about bitcoin”
- “Pink Floyd. And chill.”
- “Teach me yoga, I’ll teach you guitar. Down for skydiving? Rock on regardless”
- “A man looking for lost paradise can seem a fool to those who never sought the other world”
- “Begrudgingly gentile”
- *man with beard* “bearded for your pleasure”
- “Lost in love”
The Don’t-Waste-My-Time-With-Pointless-Small-Talk-ers: (aka sexually crude men you should probably stay away from):
- “Mr. Grey will take you now.”
- “Just trying to fuck, if you’re cool with that we’ll get along great.”
- “Looking for a girl who can fuck for at least an hour if not more.”
The Jokesters:
- “I hope you like bad boys because I’m bad at everything.”
- “Hmu on club penguin” (writer’s note: he added his actual club penguin username here)
- “Looking for someone to pay for my escape the room ticket.”
- “Searching for a woman who wants to pregame our child’s parent teacher conferences”
- “Looking forward to the day I tell my kids I met their mom on tinder”
- ‘“I’m not a perfect person.” -Hoobastank’
- “I save lives one meme at a time”
- “Are you in my ass? Cause you’re the shit :^)” (writer’s note: dw b/c this guy says he has a cute dog so that makes it all okay)
- “Recommended by 4 out of 5 people that recommend things”
- “Roses are red True love is rare Booty booty booty Booty rockin’ everywhere”
The Jokesters that Probably Aren’t Funny:
- “Probably funnier than your ex”
- “Funniest fat guy you will meet hands down”
- “I speak fluent sarcasm and Spanish”
- “My personality is bigger than my tits”
- “Rip vine”
- “I enjoy getting stoned and watching ducks swim across the East River”
The Ravers:
- “Heavy bass and festival lover. Lover of psychedelics”
- “Let’s get high and watch Rick and Morty”
- “Rap EDM Raves Cyphs”
- “If you put me on some poppin club music you’ll take my heart”
The Honest Ones:
- “Nothing else better to do at 3:19am”
- “I don’t trust those who can fold a fitted sheet.”
- ‘“I’m just here so I don’t get fined.” Looking to cut my rent in half no lie.’
- “Regularly laugh to myself in public while having a flashback of something that happened 6 days or 15 years ago.”
- “I’m really weird and I like cornflakes. Science is fun. Future dentist”
- “4.82 Uber rating”
- “Will probably serenade you with 2000’s R&B.”