Recently, 3 Wheels reached out to Heppy the Pug, popular on campus dog and INSPIRATION to us all. She is here to answer some of the questions you have asked us!
Dear 3 Wheels,
I’m new to this whole sex thing, and need some tips! Help!
—Basically a Virgin
Hi lovely Basically a Virgin person,
Ok so I don’t know any tips but if you have treats or something yummy DEFINITELY give that to someone you like because when my owners do this I love them so much and they are the greatest and now I am very hungry for steak, and also do you have any cheese?
Bork Bork Bork,
Heppy
Dear 3 Wheels,
My S.O.’s parents are Catholic and very conservative, but I am atheist and VERY uncomfortable when I am around them, as I feel they are ALWAYS judging me. How to I confront bae about this?
Best,
Bailey
Hi lovely person called Bailey,
People are weird because they judge on things like religion, but dogs only judge on other dog’s butts and what they smell like, which I think is a way better idea, because disliking someone based on religion or lack of religious views is weird since most religions are very similar, as are most meats, like bacon and steak, which are really good.
I think that talking to “bae” is a good idea, and maybe asking “S.O.’s” parents about their views is too, and maybe going to their church is also a good idea, just to see what it is like (in case you have never been)? You know what else is a good idea? Bacon. Do you have any bacon? Or treats? Also I’d like to take a walk. Maybe we can talk this over and also discuss about how to make the US more religiously tolerant over a walk. Also maybe you can bring treats on that walk.
Bork Bork Bork,
Heppy
Hey 3 Wheels,
I can’t get over this breakup. Help. I’ve been single for only a month and I miss my ex so much. What do I do?
—Sad
Hello someone called Sad,
Sometimes, I am NOT given steak after dinner, and sometimes I am. When I get the steak, I am so happy, and when I DON’T get the steak, and I am sad for a little bit, I know that one day, another steak will come around. Exes are like steak. You will be sad about not having it, but then someone else wonderful will come around, and they will be just like a sweet juicy steak, and SQUIRREL!—sorry—then you will be happy again. Really, treating people you are dating like steak is good. I mean, don’t eat those people because you care about them JUST LIKE I LOVE MY OWNERS SO MUCH but also love someone as much as I love steak? I hope this helps, also I think I smell steak now.
Bork Bork Bork,
Heppy
3 Wheels,
I’m, like, SO WEIRD, because I think I’m in love…with potatoes? Yeah?
—Samwise
Hi Samwise!,
I ALSO LOVE POTATOES TOO OH MY GOODNESS WHEN I AM OFFERED A FRY BY A HUMAN OR ONE IS DROPPED ON THE FLOOR IT IS A GLORIOUS DAY. YOU HAVE GOOD TASTE IN WHAT YOU LOVE SAMWISE. PLEASE WRITE ME MORE ABOUT POTATOES BECAUSE I LOVE FOOD LIKE THAT.
Bork Bork Bork,
Heppy
3 Wheels thanks Heppy for all that she has done to answer your questions today, and continues to be delighted by the general aura of goodness and love that Heppy personifies. If you see her, be sure to give her a treat, ok?
Image Credit: Jené Schoenfeld, via Heppy the Pug on Facebook