*My sister and her fiancé have asked to remain nameless, but are happy to have their story shared.
When the five year mark passed, we all started wondering: so, were they getting getting married? My sister and her fiancé had been happily together for years and were living together on the upper east side. We all knew he wanted to get married and we all knew that she was hesitant. It wasn’t a fear of commitment, but a questioning of the institution of marriage in general. Why, she asked, does the government have to sanctify my love? No one had a good answer for this Women’s Studies major from Barnard. Eventually, her love and his persistence gave way to an agreement. I was the first person she called.
From the start, it was an unconventional process. Since she refused to get engaged in an odd numbered year (for reasons still unclear), even once she agreed the actual engagement was delayed. Then, they picked out the ring together. He showed her what he was thinking, she said no way, and designed her own, thanks to Grandma’s hand-me-down diamonds. Following that, the jeweler’s wife became ill and the ring took eight weeks longer than expected to be delivered. No one’s quite sure if they’re actually engaged at this point. They have a ring, kind of? They say they’re getting married, but he didn’t exactly propose? When the ring was finally ready, he picked it up without telling her, and finally, by the fire escape, he asked her to marry him. Surprising no one, she said yes.
Our family is Jewish, vaguely religious, but heavily cultural. My sister’s wedding became not exactly a source of contention, but one of question. How Jewish would the wedding be? She already wanted it to be as non-traditional as possible, considered doing away with wedding bands and was not a fan of the idea of having our father walk her down the aisle. She did not want one man handing her off to the next and she definitely did not intend to wear white. But again, what about the Jewish traditions? The ketubah and the chuppah, the stomping on the glass and, most importantly, the rabbi.
And here we have the backbone of both this article and the wedding: the rabbi. My sister and my future brother-in-law went to one of the biggest LGBT synagogues in New York to look for the person to perform the ceremony that would bind them together in the eyes of God and the law. My sister’s fiance said to the rabbi that he had trouble with God. He was not a believer and he wasn’t sure how to come to terms with that in relation to finding a religious component to marrying the woman he loves. The rabbi said to him that she didn’t want to worship a God that particularly needed her to believe in Him. Needless to say, she’ll be joining them in July.
Weddings arise, by definition, from a variety of different perspectives. They are the joining of people, families and lives. Your love and your wedding have no predetermined path, both can take you to surprising and wonderful places. My sister discovered amazing things is creating hers and I am quite looking forward to seeing the progress continue.
Image credits: 21stbridal.com,