This is not an easy time of year. Performances are being given as the culmination of a semester’s worth of work. Assignment grades that can tip the scales of your final grades (for worse or for better) are coming in. Finals are coming up. It’s a difficult time for all involved.
Part of the issue lies within the conundrum Thanksgiving Break presents; I’m happy to have had a chance to rest, and many of my peers are thankful to have seen their families and unwind, but taking a break from school always leaves me feeling jarred and out of place when I get back to school. I thought that Thanksgiving Break would leave me refreshed and ready to take on these last few weeks. Instead, my sleeping schedule has been destroyed, my work ethic at an all-time low, and I feel like I have to reestablish all of my decent habits—with just a few weeks before finals. I don’t have the time to acclimate again, and honestly, I don’t have the energy either. It feels harder and harder to do my work well when I know that the sooner I get through the next few weeks, the sooner I’ll be home for a more satisfying amount of time.
Still, I’ve been focusing on finding ways to clear myself from a bit of the negativity and fear of the coming weeks. I’ve been working to assuage some of the guilt, reminding myself that one bad grade in a class won’t destroy my future. I have a concert coming up, so I’ve been drinking tea to keep my body and voice healthy. I have been wearing the clothes that I want to wear before the snow starts storming in. I’ve tried taking some time to self-reflect; I roll my eyes when professors bring it up, but it really is nice to think about where you started a semester and where you’re ending up. I’ve been trying to make the most of the time with my friends. I’m eager to go home a lot of the time, so it’s easy to forget how wonderful the people around me are, and I think that this is a wonderful time of year to celebrate that (as is every time of year).
My biggest fear I’ve been tackling, I think, is that I’m not ever really sure that home will meet my expectations. I didn’t go home for Thanksgiving Break because I couldn’t afford it, so I’m about to reach six months since I’ve seen any family or friends from my hometown. I’m scared that I’ve hyped it all up too much in my head. But it helps to see most of my friends returning from Thanksgiving Break, remarking on the bittersweet elements of the break—it’s nice to be away, but family is stressful. Having that thrust in my face has really helped me bring my expectations back down to Earth.
Nonetheless, I have trouble believing that the semester is almost over, that I’ve roughly been here for a year and a half of my life—that I’ll only really be around for another two and a half years. I’m glad I’m aware of all of this, though. It makes me horribly, incredibly scared—but it also makes me grateful and cognizant of the present moment and all the ways that I can still be a good person to the people around me.
Image Credits: Feature, 1, 2, 3