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Celebrity Slumber Party, Edition 1: 3 Under 30

Posted Dec 16 2012 - 3:20pm

When trying to explain college to a preschool class during my summer job this past July, I described as a cross between a slumber party and school, but with more reading. The children, starry eyed, gazed up at me, trying to imagine such a wondrous time. I felt as though I had let them down. While my roommate and I do occasionally indulge in sleepover type behavior like painting our nails and watching Lizzie McGuire or talking about our feelings in the dark while staring up at the glow-in-the-dark dots someone left on our ceiling, living with others becomes less festive and more mundane and practical. Rarely do we sing along to “Sheets of Egyptian Cotton” while swooning over Jesse Spencer, washing down buttered popcorn kernels stuck between our molars with Dr. Pepper.

        I have a theory that the late night slumber party is the perfect and sole manner of female bonding. While one would think living in an all girl dorm would offer other options, late night PJ time with gal pals seems to be all we really need to solidify relationships.  Because of this theory, when I picture myself being friends with celebrities, I always imagine us having an all night women’s forum after an exhausting day of shopping, during which we took pictures of each other wearing silly hats, staged a dressing room open-curtain-and-pose montage, and ate a lot of trendy fro-yo.  Because I’m so hip with the times, here is my list of starlets (AKA ladies under 30) I want at my slumber party.

When: A weekday, perhaps? I don’t know we’re all so young and free we can stay up late WHENEVER WE WANT. * Did you hear that, Mom? WHENEVER!

*Although, for sleep schedule reasons, I would prefer a Friday or Saturday.

 The author, at right in yellow nightie, manipulates technology to make dreams come true.

                  
Who’s Invited:  Party Guest #1: Jennifer Lawrence
She’s bawdy, honest, hilarious, gorgeous and comfortable with herself yet still in a humble, self-deprecating manner. Much like the Quakers believe there is that of God in every person, I would like to think there is that of J-Law in each of us as well. She has no qualms mentioning her bodily fluids on the red carpet. She both exemplifies and satirizes young Hollywood. Also, I’m not the only one- the Internet loves her. During the party, Jennifer would specialize in making us all laugh till we peed, braiding hair like Katniss, and eating the most disgusting combinations of junk food.

Party Guest #2 Anna Kendrick
In her bio on Twitter, she describes herself as “Pale, awkward and very very small. Form an orderly queue, gents.” As most of these describe myself, I suppose I am biased in liking this George Clooney co-star. But with a childhood Broadway history and brings that showy enthusiasm and amazement to everything she does, but not without reducing herself to a mousy computer nerd. Ok, so she’s in Twilight. But she also plays nervous, brittle and breakable characters so charmingly well that hipster girls everywhere (myself included) are not angry about her flirtations with Joseph Gordon-Levitt in 50/50, which are cute beyond belief. Plus, simply hearing him offer to make anyone pancakes makes my heart melt into my uterus. Come slumber party eve, Anna would lead our Avril Lavigne sing alongs, give us all makeovers with her stage makeup skills, and lend me an extra t-shirt, as we are both exactly (read: well over) 5 feet tall when I inevitably dribble mint chocolate chip ice cream down my own.

Party Guest #3 Emma Stone
Oh, Emma Stone. Where to begin? We all love her. Should I start off by describing how goddamn cute her freckles are? Or should I instead explain how I envy her flawless fashion sense?  No- perhaps I should start by portraying her willingness to be nerdy for an altruistic purpose? There are many factors that dictate to the world that Emma is much cooler than most of humanity, such as her raspy voice, emotionally beautiful name-dropping, ability to look so natural despite her many different hair colors, and fabulously adorable boyfriend. When my voice gets hoarse, I sound like Joan Rivers (you are welcome to not linking to that and making you hear whatever rumblings her vocal chords can still make). When I try to name drop my favorite influences, I get called a dirty hipster because I don’t do it with the same affection as Emma does. Were I to go blonde, I would look like a playmobil person someone put the wrong hair on. At our aforementioned nighttime forum, Emma’s role will be to pick the movie (as she has excellent taste), and laughing away all of our anxieties, complete with impressions of Jesse Eisenberg, which I imagine would be spot on.

Honorable Mention Guest: Rashida Jones
She’s 34 years old (WHAT? HOW? SHE LOOKS AGELESS!) so unfortunately I can’t include her on my under 30s party. However, Rashida is my favorite half black half Jewish celebrity (next to Drake, Sammy Davis Jr., and Lenny Kravitz, of course). She aces dramatic projects like The Social Network, is believable as the straight woman Ann Perkins in “Parks and Recreation,” and has no qualms being goofy in her movies (such as in Our Idiot Brother where she plays a crafty lesbian) or in life, where she sings Holiday medleys with Jimmy Fallon. While the whole video has been taken off for copyright reasons, this Australian news program has some of it (and some really awkward banter at the end). Fallon & Jones sing all the hits: One Direction’s “What Makes You Really Full,” Gotye’s “Some Uncle that Got Way Too Drunk,” PSY’s “Open Eggnog Style” and FUN’s “Some Lights.” Others not in the linked video include Taylor Swift’s “We Are Never Ever, Ever, Wearing Ugly Sweaters,” Carly Rae Jepson’s “Pass the Gravy,” and last but certainly not least, Flo Rida’s “Spin My Dreidel.” I would love to, Rashida--My house at 10. Bring a bag of cheese curls and a copy of 13 Going on 30.

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