Anxiety has always been a prevalent part of my life. But, starting my freshman year of college has given it new places to manifest itself. It can feel especially noticable on a small, close-knit campus like Kenyon’s, where it can often feel like you’re on display. So in honor of mental health week, here are some of the lies my anxiety has told me as well as the truth behind them.
1. “Your new friends all hate you”
This is by no means a new one. I’ve always struggled with the thought that if I do anything wrong, all of my friends will turn against me, or worse: they never liked me and are just putting up with me because they feel like they have to. When you met your entire group two months ago, this feeling can be magnified. You don’t fully know the people you hang out with yet, and the thought of them finding out something about you that’s a dealbreaker is extremely anxiety-inducing. When I get this thought, I remind myself that everyone is in the same boat and we all deserve friendship and support. Even if it takes time to feel like you’ve found your people, you’re good enough and there’s nothing wrong with you.
2. “If you don’t ace this exam, you’ll never be able to be a _____ major”
Grades in high school were stressful enough, but now it feels like there are the added stakes of proving your ability to succeed in the subject you might want to have a career in. Even if you have no idea what you want to major in, the thought of ruining your GPA can be paralyzing. When I have an exam coming up, I do my best to prepare for it, but I also try to remember that one test or project doesn’t determine my intelligence or even my aptitude for a specific subject. Even the people that always seem to have it together don’t get a perfect grade every time. Struggling with a subject can actually help you determine whether you’re really interested in it or simply like it because you’ve always been successful in it.
3. “That idea you want to voice in class is stupid and everyone is judging you”
When you go to Kenyon College and everyone in your seminar class has brilliant ideas and seem to have no difficulty voicing them, it’s easy to sometimes feel like you can’t keep up. This coupled with the stress of participation grades makes speaking up in class really difficult sometimes, especially if you’re not entirely confident in the material. I try to get past this by remembering that everyone around me is equally stressed about participating the correct amount, and they are likely way more focused on their own answer than mine. I also know that developing good communication and public speaking skills despite my anxiety about them will help me a lot in life and I use that as motivation to work on them.
4. “Asking for help from your professors and going to office hours means you’re admitting defeat”
I’m the kind of person who hates asking for help. I don’t like feeling like an inconvenience or admitting that I don’t understand or can’t handle something. But, learning how to admit you need help is a really important and valuable skill, and it does not in any way diminish your abilities or the amount of work you put into something. Your professor will be happy to hear from you, and it will show that you really care about and are dedicated to the assignment.
5. “If you walk alone, people will assume you don’t have friends”
It’s really easy to feel guilty about not constantly being social and to feel like people are judging you for walking to class or to Pierce alone. But in reality, no one is paying attention. You can’t expect yourself to always be interacting with people, especially if that takes a lot of effort and you’re already stressed about your next class. No one will think less of you if you take the few minutes between destinations to decompress and respond to Snapchats.
The bottom line is, everyone is absorbed in their own lives and problems, and they most likely won’t notice if you make a mistake. Whatever you’re building up in your head, whether it be the presentation you’re dreading, something you said in a conversation at lunch, or the thought that you have no idea what you want to do with your life yet, it will pass and life will go on. That said, your anxiety is valid and being aware that your thoughts are irrational doesn’t necessarily take away their power. More people than you’d think are struggling with the same things you are, so don’t be afraid to speak up and ask for support when you need it, whether it be from friends, a Peer Counselor, or someone from home.