Living in London, one unconsciously becomes an endlessly-spinning cog in the clockwork of the City. One moves with the mob, ‘goes with the flow’ you could say, only that implies that it’s free, relieving, inspiring when the frantic reality is anything but. A rare moment of grace, however, comes along now and then; the ever-surging torrents of city life spit you out, and you escape into some café or other to retrieve the oh-so-beloved Arabica nectar that’s oh-so-dear to your heart. The two of you share a tender moment, dirty bean water and not-much-cleaner human, ignoring the reality that you’ll both be assimilated back into London’s endless train before the second hand passes 12 again. It was within one such golden segment of time that this piece was born.
Alright, so it wasn’t quite as Indiana Jones-trap-like as I make out, but it felt it at the time, I assure you. It was a bustling branch of a particularly popular coffee chain, and as each individual or group ahead of me in the queue ordered their remarkably similar assortments of frappucinos, hot chocolates and soy lattes a sense of unease crept over me as I considered my allegedly-uninspired black coffee. Even the worker who took my order visibly reacted to the simplicity of my drink, yet that’s not what truly stuck with me from this encounter. I pulled out my card ready to trade a little more of my soul for a few extra hours of concentration on what I knew would be a difficult day’s reading as the worker posed a question I never expected –
“Would you like to try our festive Christmas blend at no extra charge? It’s a darker roast!”
Oh, my head nodded in consent, and I’m (nearly) certain I said “Sure” too, yet my mind’s train became derailed at the suddenly-revealed connection between Christmas and darkness. Upon taking my coffee in hand and finding my way to the door, the pair of words became bolder. Christmas is darker. I left the coffee chain in deep contemplation, an unusually wistful state of mind in London.
Perhaps they meant that it’s not Christmas, but winter that is darker. And it is. Night begins ever earlier as we delve into the winter months, and even throughout what remains of the day there seems to be less brightness to go around, hence why we love snow – its reflective property stretches out our diminished daylight like the water of an americano. Yet I challenge even this, for when we think of winter (at least if we’re optimistic) we think almost singularly of snow, that delightful iced fluff, ice’s cheerful cousin. Cool, soft and very, very white. Extend your thoughts to the festive season and there’s even less darkness to be found – fairy lights, tinsel, lametta, wrapping paper, crackers, smiles of joy, even heated arguments erupting around the dinner table – none of these things convey darkness, only unparalleled energy and spirit.
I’ve painted a very stereotypical image of Christmas, and like most stereotypes it doesn’t really exist. What it does do is quite helpfully present the overall atmosphere of the festive season, as well as summarise what we all want Christmas to be like. This is enough for me to find fault with the so-called Festive Blend, and the disappointment here carries me into a wider observation about Christmas coffee generally – festive coffee isn’t coffee. Or rather, festive coffee is coffee, yet mainly for people who don’t like coffee. Without wanting to seem like some sort of coffee elitist, and as somebody who does enjoy (the majority of) seasonal drinks, I find most of the offerings are loaded with some flavoured syrup or other, drowning out any true coffee flavour. If mochas ride the line between coffee and sweet treat, festive drinks didn’t even notice the line as they went over. These drinks pander to the pumpkin spice crowd almost exclusively, rather than to the ‘coffee drinker’ crowd more generally. Frankly, there’s enough variety in coffee beans to allow ‘dull’ coffee drinkers like me to indulge in a nuttier festive blend, a floral spring offering, maybe a fruity summer mix.
Having said all this, this is not an attack on festive drinks – there’s more than enough coffee-enthusiast solutions out there to get a ‘real’ coffee kick. Personally, I enjoy the effects of seasonal promotions more than the drinks themselves – coffee shops have acquired a much-needed buzz through a combination of syrup-laden beverages and free Wi-Fi. No longer merely a convenient location for tedious sedated meetings, coffee shops are actually fun to visit.
Unless you’re in London and there’s seemingly hundreds of people chatting loudly on their phones, that is.