Have you ever browsed through the modern-day tragedy that is Netflix’s LGBTQ section? Documentaries, terrible font choices and white teenage boys looking into each other’s eyes: these are not exactly the best premises for a romantic night in with your girlfriend – or a lonely movie night eating ice-cream and getting thumb cramps swiping through Tinder. It’s Netflix and no chill for lesbians who are tired of re-watching Orange Is the New Black and are just looking for a light-hearted film that is not excessively political and does not end with death. That’s not a lot to ask, right?
However, as much as Netflix’s lack of quality lesbian movies might be irritating, it needs to be recognised that the streaming platform does offer some amazing throwbacks, trashy gems and ridiculously pretentious arthouse movies. If you like films that are so bad they are good and happen to be a girl who likes girls, Netflix is a paradise. These 6 masterpieces of bad lesbian cinema, rated from best to worst, need to be added to your watchlist.
1) Loving Annabelle (2006)
If you can look past the slightly creepy age difference between the two main characters, Loving Annabelle is a very entertaining and relatable movie, especially for girls who were still figuring out their sexualities back in 2006 and enjoy watching some lesbian throwback classic. The film won an Audience Award at the L.A. Outfest and it screams 00’s with characters wearing lip-gloss, low-waist jeans and chunky highlights, but it also develops its storyline with simplicity and a lot of drama, so get those tissues ready.
2) Below Her Mouth (2016)
Below Her Mouth isn’t that bad, really. It has a simple plot with lots of drama, terrible dialogue and, well, many sex scenes. Praised to be a representation of the “female gaze” in film, it might initially seem like a butch lesbian’s wet dream. The premise in itself is not so original: an androgynous-looking lesbian seducing a bicurious woman in a committed relationship. Pretty simple, which gives plenty of screen time to steamy “female gaze” scenes. What makes Below Her Mouth so good (or bad, depending on your viewpoint) are the unexplained plot holes. It feels like, after being distracted by all those R-rated scenes, no one during pre-production dared to ask the real questions, like: what’s a Swedish roofer doing in the Canadian suburbs? Spoiler: no one knows.
3) Elena Undone (2010)
Elena Undone is a pastiche of everything you’ve ever wanted to see in a film, but were too afraid to admit, directed by your 16-year-old-self. It is overly dramatic, cheesy and cliché, and just really, really, really weird, but there is something about it that glues you to the screen for those two hours. Maybe it’s the broken fourth wall, maybe it’s the stereotypical lesbian-seduces-straight-married-woman narrative, maybe it’s the addition of religion in the mix, or maybe it’s just the sex scenes, but there is definitely a strange allure to the film.
4) A Perfect Ending (2012)
If you’re a fan of clichés, A Perfect Ending will be your new favourite movie. Repressed suburban mother looking for an adventure: check. Sexy and mysterious dark-haired prostitute: check. For some reason the two of them fall in love: check. If you are familiar enough with lesbian movie narratives, you can already guess the ending. If not, enjoy this beautiful mess of a movie with its cheesy music, slow-motion kissing scenes and overly-romanticised nudity.
5) The Guest House (2012)
Goth teenager and her father’s employee spend the weekend in a – wait for it – guest house. This is the kind of film you want to watch when you are not sober. A very low budget movie, it has a very simple plot and one-sided characters, but, for some reason, it still works. And If you can look past the terrible acting, unconvincing costumes, plot holes and predictable storyline – which is where alcohol should come into play – you might be able to find it strangely romantic and entertaining. Take it with a pinch (or a handful) of salt and embrace the cheesy nonsense of this film, without questioning it, and you might even enjoy it.
6) Anatomy of a Love Seen (2014)
The fact that this film is directed by Marina Rice Bader (the same executive producer of Elena Undone and A Perfect Ending) is already a promise of prime quality trashy lesbian plot, but Anatomy of a Love Seen exceeds those expectations. Following two actresses who have to film a scene together following their breakup, the movie is the cringy apotheosis of lesbian drama: so hyperbolic, so melodramatic, so tragically cheesy in its never-ending crescendo and plot twists that you hate but can’t help but love. If you have lost all your self-respect and taste, forget about the weird narrative structure, forget about the overly dramatic acting, forget about the gratuitous plot twists: this might become your new favourite lesbian movie.
Let us know if you check any out, and what your thoughts are!