Rhino's Spring Break Do's and Don'ts

Hello Ladies,

My apologies for the large time gap between articles – like you my life has been chock full of getting tattoos, hang gliding lessons, studying for midterms and squeezing in working out/ doing 1,000 sit ups a day in a last ditch hope to look diesel on spring break.

I’m going to the Bahamas. Apparently it’s like no other spring break destination. There’s gorgeous beaches, tropical weather, tons of booze, and a lot of ladies going. Nowhere else offers such an amazing deal.

As I pack my bags full of bathing suits, sunscreen, condoms and ridiculous sunglasses, I began to think: What do I need to do to make this spring break unforgettable? I concocted a list of Do’s and Don’ts that are guaranteed to give you an enthralling, fanatical and most importantly safe spring break.

If you’re not going on a stereotypical, dance on bar tops, drink till you can’t see straight, and wake up with a medal for “Best Booty Shaker” Spring Break, my apologies. For all of you going on a community service based spring break – I salute you – and would recommend doing one to EVERYONE out there before you graduate.

DON’T: Judge a man by the number SPF he uses – pale guys are just as fun and crazy – and even smarter because they’re taking their mother’s advice by protecting their skin (Do feel free however to judge a man by the amount of sun screen he globs onto his body).

DO: Bring condoms if you’re sexually active (don’t act appalled). Would you rather have to deal with your friends making a sly remark at you or carrying some guys baby you met on spring break? Carrying condoms in no way makes you a slutty – bringing KY might.

DON’T: Think that sharks are only in the water. As a guy I will openly admit to you the three key ingredients to a “successful” spring break are 1) Random hook ups. 2) Consistently being drunk and 3) Good weather. We can only control two – but please be careful…Some men are just plain creeps and you have to be on the look out.

DO: Go out and enjoy every moment. You’re probably paying premium dollar for wherever it is you are so why not make the most of it? If money is tight just remember, “You’re dead longer than you’re broke.”

DON’T: Go out alone. Take a taxi back to the hotel alone. Go to the bathroom alone.

DO: Feel free to check out what else where you are has to offer. History, restaurants, local hot spots – spring break is crazy – but there’s nothing wrong with a girl trying to boost her worldly knowledge (and it is DAMN sexy).

DON’T: Get into one girl fight / argument / yelling match. Catfights really aren’t as hot as some guys would let you believe they are. Starting fights with unfamiliar folks in an unfamiliar location only can lead to bad results.

DO: Leave your cell phone in your room while at the beach. Trying to find a replacement will be annoying and difficult. Remember what it’s like before the age of constant communication and enjoy the moment. Be warned-- sand in the phone is tougher to deal with than you may think.

DON’T: Drink the water. (Only applicable outside the continental US).

DO: Go all out with the photos. This may be the one drinking event of the year that guys are cool with being in 100 photos and even help you take photos. Facebook these photos because everyone looks cool on Spring Break.

DON’T: Get arrested. Imagine the horror of spending a night in a Mexican jail…think about itttttt.

DO: Swim with the dolphins if you can – it is a life changing experience – and makes for some awesome stories.

DON’T: Miss that return flight or boat home. All good things must come to an end.

DO: Let your hair down – seize every moment – because you only get 4, 5, or 6 college Spring Breaks and then they don’t come around anymore…without permission from your boss.

My friends, if you’re going to Cancun hit up Senor Frogs one night. It is the most magical and downright entertaining place south of Las Vegas. Taking a ride down their water slide will turn you into an instant Spring Break legend…one that will make your kids proud some day.

If you’re going to Florida (Panama City, Miami, Ft. Lauderdale, etc) remember to be nice to the girls from Virginia Tech--they’re people too. Maybe most importantly, watch out for guidos and hair gel that will drop sleazy lines on you.

North Carolina and South Carolina beach goers you’re on your own. I went there for a Spring Break and ended up playing Bocce Ball in 60-degree cloudy weather…but I’m sure there are other things to do.

And for everyone else, do it up like you would at JMU. Prove it again to those big name colleges that we are on a level that they must get on – not the other way around. If you’re going to get a tattoo make sure clothing can cover it up, avoid the tequila, and have the best damn time that you may or may not remember.

I’m out,

Rhino