At a loss for words on how to describe the act of “dating,” I turned to my trusty companion site used for every English Lit class I’ve ever taken (the one and only dictionary.com) only to stumble upon this measly definition: dating (verb, used without object): to go out socially on dates. Huh. Almost as vague as the whole concept itself, am I right?
Call it what you want – a sport, extinct, a verb used without an object – dating is nothing more than a game, with finding “the one” being the ultimate prize. Not many of us are lucky enough to claim the prize until post diploma. Then again, some of us aren’t even looking to claim the prize until then, or at all. As for the rest of us who have no idea what we want, what we are looking for when it comes to a significant other, and like to consider ourselves artsy and spiritual because we follow the Dalai Lama on Twitter (well, there goes my cover), we are game players. And with every game comes a set of rules we must follow – or break. Lo’ and behold, I’ve compiled a small set of some of the most common dating rules I believe we all know we should follow, but more likely than not tend to break.
#1: If he doesn’t buy you food, he’s just not that into you
A guy paying for the cab back to his place does not surmount to a guy taking you out and paying for your dinner. Face it, the shmuck had to get home safe somehow and he had ABC’s number way before he had yours . If a guy is willing to sit down and feed you, all the while engaging in interesting conversation that does not revolve around the sole topic of booze, consider yourself lucky and keep that gent’ around for more good eats.
#2: Effectively communicate your feelings upfront
You’re playing the field? Let him know. You’re looking for something serious? Let him know (I promise he won’t run away if he has the same intentions). Too many people undermine being blunt these days, but saying what’s on your mind is the only way to set things straight from the get-go… and save yourself from thinking you are insane later when you’re questioning everything you’ve ever said to him!
#3: Facebook is not your friend
If you really want to get to know a guy, stay away from his Facebook profile – especially the five hundred tagged pictures of him and his ex-girlfriend and albums titled “I’m sexy and I know it.” You’ll just end up cyber-stalking him 24/7, or worse, obsessing over him. With Facebook literally at our fingertips these days (are you telling me you don’t have the new iPhone 4S?!) this can be a real challenge. But sometimes it’s best – not to mention more fun – to not know or assume you know everything about a person.
#4: Take it slooooow
If a boy starts telling you how beautiful you are or how much he can’t wait to see you again and it’s only the first time you’ve met, there are other things on his mind then the recent Demi and Ashton split. Trust me, I know; it’s tempting to be gullible when a guy starts complimenting your 45-minute curl job. But then again, do ya really wanna date a stage-five clinger? Relationships evolve with time and space. Have patience. Only time will tell if you two are really compatible after all.
#5: Confidence is, has, and always will be key
Every Glamour, Seventeen, and (throwback time) Tiger Beat article we’ve ever read has told us that a guy’s number one desired trait in a girl is confidence. I know all of us have still been able to grab a guy’s attention when we were wearing gym sweats. (Hey, I once got hit on wearing ‘Norts’ (Nike shorts for you Adidas fans) and no make-up at a Wawa. I was with my dad, too. It was awkward.) Guys aren’t as superficial as we like to believe. A fun and easygoing personality can go a long way!
#6: Do not have sex until you are serious
Unless you really aren’t looking for anything, if you ever want a guy to think of you as a long-term kinda gal, keep your pants on! Guys like a little mystery and having sex too soon into a new fling takes that away. If you’ve already had sex with a guy after only one or two dates and are upset he hasn’t asked you out again, ask yourself if you really saw him and yours’ relationship as something serious.
#7: Don’t sweat the small stuff
Most guys are dumb, deaf, and blind when it comes to the minute details girls worry about. Some things guys never notice: a haircut, your nail color, a messy room, that you ordered a cheeseburger instead of a salad, flyaway hairs in your ponytail, that your diamond/pearl earrings are real or fake, or cellulite.
#8: Closure, shmlosure
So, you met a hottie at a party three weeks ago and he seemed really interested in you. You hung out once or twice more, but now it’s been ten days and it’s like he’s dropped off the face of Harrisonburg – what the &#@%?! I’m just going to let Steve Harvey take this one – “Ladies, you’re not going to get closure from a man.
We don’t do closure. And you know why? Because we don’t even know you’re having an issue. We’re stupid. We’re not courteous. Listen, it’s not in our DNA as great communicators anyway. See, women keep waiting on closure. Bring it on. If you want closure, close. Move on with your life.”
#9: Don’t give up hope
You’ve done everything right on a first date. You dressed cute, were polite, laughed at his overdone jokes about Kim Kardashian’s 60-second wedding, and most importantly, were “yourself.” So, why’s he not calling you? If anyone could answer that question, one, I would tell the Dalai Lama to move over, I have a new top tweeter to follow, and two, there’d be no such thing as dating!
Who knows why perfect guys don’t fall for us back, flings fizzle, or following the rules A-Z can still leave us feeling played? It’s all chemistry and timing. You can’t hate the players; you have to hate the game. Dating is cruel and confusing but at the same time wildly exciting and fun! Getting your heart broken is the price to pay, but just know that one day, in the end, you’ll score yourself an MVP.
“Whether we like it or not, we’re all connected, and it is unthinkable to be happy all by oneself.” – as tweeted by @DalaiLama
Sources:
http://www.therulesbook.com/rule4.html
http://www.askmen.com/top_10/dating_150/180b_dating_list.html
http://www.seventeen.com/love/advice/what-guys-dont-care-about
http://www.oprah.com/relationships/Steve-Harvey-Answers-Your-Relationship-Questions/5