It’s nearly 2 a.m. and your eyelids are drooping. It takes all of your energy to keep them open, let alone focus them on the paper that’s due at 9 a.m. I need more energy you think. And then you see it: your roommate’s 5-Hour Energy. She swears by them. You’ve never tried it, but you can think of no better time. You rip the wrapper off that sucker and down the bottle.
You’re astounded to find out how quickly you work when you’re not half-asleep. The words start immediately flowing, and by 2:30 you’re cranking out a conclusion. The problem is that you’ve only killed about an hour by the time when the paper is done, leaving you with roughly 4 hours of chemically-produced energy.
Here’s what happens next:
1.) You scrub your kitchen from top to bottom because you saw an ant on the counter, so naturally your mind jumped immediately to infestation and you needed to disinfect.
2.) You move on to the bathroom because, why not, you have the bleach out anyway.
3.) While trying to pick out an outfit for tomorrow, you realize how much of your clothes you don’t actually wear. Soon you have a reorganized closet and dresser, plus 2 trash bags of clothes to take to Goodwill.
4.) In the back of your closet, you notice the curling wand you got for Christmas last year, still unopened in the package.
5.) Hair freshly curled, you try to proof-read your paper, but realize you can’t sit still long enough.
6.) You do the first day of a 30-day AB-TASTIC challenge you found on Pinterest, positive you’ll continue it for the next month.
7.) Still feeling jumpy, you take a quick 2-mile jog around the neighborhood.
8.) You get back and flop on the couch. But then you see a pack of Post-it notes on the table. You can’t help yourself.
9.) Your entire living room is now wallpapered in Post-its.
10.) You finish that TV show you’ve been binge watching all semester on Netflix.
11.) You’re disappointed with the ending.
12.) You finally get around to reading the 5-Hour Energy bottle. It informs you that for moderate energy you should drink half the bottle. For maximum energy, you should down the whole thing…
What you’ve learned tonight: it’s incredibly important to read directions, you’ve got to stop leaving all of your assignments until the night before, and you should’ve listened to your roommate when she told you that the fourth season of Arrested Development wasn’t worth watching.