Dearest Trevor, My on-again-off-again guy, who lives a few hours away, and I have been doing hot and cold texting relationship for a year now. Although he is the one who texts on & off, he tells me he loves me and how I am the one for him. But honestly, I’d rather him just be a fwb. Am I wrong for wanting that? And is a real relationship even plausible with his infrequent communication?
Whether or not you’re wrong for wanting to be friends-with-benefits is something you have to decided for yourself based on your own beliefs and morals. Whatever you decide, though, the type of relationship the two of you have should be mutually consensual without either of you feeling pressured into something or disrespected. Without that criteria, it would definitely be wrong. As for the plausibility of a real relationship (whatever that entails for you), that depends on the reason for his infrequent communication. Do you ever text him? If you never initiate conversations yourself, it’s possible that he texts infrequently because he wants you to text him first once in a while. If that’s the case, he may be being genuine when he says he loves you and that you’re the one. If you do text him yourself sometimes, though, and there’s still an infrequency of contact, it’s possible that he’s trying to keep you interested in order to use you as some sort of backup plan, which is not okay. Ultimately, you’ll have to directly confront him yourself to figure out the future of your relationship. I’ll echo my response to a previous question: COMMUNICATION IS PARAMOUNT. You’re gonna have to communicate with each other somehow in order to find out each other’s true feelings and what’s in store for the two of you.
Dear Trevor: This girl keeps talking about her cat. How do I go about asking her to stop talking about her cat? SOS PLEASE SEND HELP
We all tend to enjoy talking excessively about the things we love. It’s only human. So before you go telling her what to do, stop and ask yourself if there’s anything you love that you tend to talk about a lot. You just might discover that you can relate to cat-girl. Even if you don’t, you should try to respect that this just might be how cat-girl tends to express herself when she loves something or someone. Let’s not try to silence people for harmlessly expressing their love.
Dear Trevvy, My roommate just broke up with her boyfriend. How do I still talk to him without offending her?
If the breakup was a mutual decision, or at the very least did not involve things like cheating or abuse, your roommate should understand and respect the fact that your friendship with her ex is not tied to their former relationship; they are two totally separate things. I wouldn’t address it with her unless it starts to look like she has a problem with it or if she has explicitly stated that she doesn’t want you to talk to him. In which case, just calmly explain to her that you and her ex are just friends. Since the breakup was recent she may need time to come to terms with the situation. Try to be patient. However, if their breakup was messy (i.e. cheating, physical or emotional abuse), it’s possible that she will feel betrayed by you for talking to him. In that case, it might be better not to talk to him for at least a little while, until emotions aren’t running so high and everyone can approach the situation with a level head. Whichever one of them is guilty of the cheating or abuse doesn’t deserve sympathy. If it’s her, she has no right to tell you not to talk to him. If it’s him, you may want to consider whether his friendship is worth losing your roommate’s friendship. The ultimate call is up to you. (Also, if the cheating/abuse is coming from both sides, my God, find more wholesome people to hang around.)