It’s that time of year. If you’re an upperclassman you might’ve been through it (maybe still going through it) and a lot of freshmen are going through it right now. The politeness has worn off, stress has set in, and you can’t get rid of each other. Roommates. You may love her 6 days out of the week, but even the best of roommates can have their problems. Here’s what to do when facing roommate woes:
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Get out of the room. The thing that’s driving you crazy could simply be the fact that you’re together too much. Do you hate the way she chews? Does she like more lights on than you? Does she constantly blast music you hate? Take a break. Go study in the Inn Between, the Library, or even just go for a walk. By getting away for a little while you give yourself a change of scenery, which can be good for productivity. This also gives you a break from that annoying habit your roommate has you just cannot stand
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Is it really the “end all be all”? Remember, you’re not perfect either. It can be good for you to examine what it is that might annoy her about you. Do you sleep with a fan on? Do you leave your clothes on the floor or couch? When we get stressed, a lot of times things that aren’t really that huge seem huge. Is what she’s doing a problem or is it just a quirk that you have to get used to? She has to get used to your quirks, too, you know. The problem might actually be a problem, but more often than not, you’re on edge and every little thing gets under your skin. Remember to take that break, and you’ll be fine.
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Talk to her! If it really is a problem you can’t deal with, mention it. It’s hard, I know, but it goes SO FAR. Be careful though, don’t make it seem like she’s wrong and you’re perfect. Use “I” statements. “I feel out of place when you don’t tell me you’re having people over, and I need stuff from the room. Can you please give me a heads-up so I can plan ahead and let you know if I need to be in here at a certain time?” Versus: “You always have people over without asking, and it’s a little inconsiderate.” To you, yes, it is inconsiderate, however, she may have figured since it’s her room too she doesn’t need to ask permission. By saying it in a way that doesn’t draw conclusions about her behavior and just focuses on your feelings, you’ll get much farther, plus you’ll avoid any unwanted awkward drama.
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Talk to the RA. Whether it’s with or without your roommate present, your RA can be super helpful. They’ve seen this over and over, and they’re trained to deal with this thing. She can be there to figure out what to say or she can be a mediator. If you approach the subject with the roommate and get nowhere or, worse, go backwards, it may be time to bring in reinforcements. The RA can help come up with a compromise that’s fair to both of you. Maybe certain days of the week are good times for visitors and others are off limits because it’s the night before your hardest class. The RA is a good neutral person to assess the situation from and unbiased perspective and make sure all parties are being treated fairly.
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Finding a new roommate. This is the last resort. Unfortunately, sometimes you just can’t make it work. She goes to bed early on Friday night and you’re a social butterfly that isn’t ready for bed at 11 on the weekends. She needs absolute silence when sleeping and studying, and silence freaks you out. Whatever the case may be, it may not be you or her, some people just don’t fit. The Roommate matcher isn’t a perfect science, and a lot of times we don’t realize how hard it can be to room with our BFF. At this point, it’s time to talk to ResLife. You can back up a step and present the issue to the RA first so that he or she can guide you through the process. Try to do it at a time in the semester when neither of you are stressed out so that you don’t have to worry about moving furniture and stuff out of a dorm while you’re worrying about getting your 10 page paper submitted on time. Bottom line: you are not forced to be with this roommate forever. ResLife’s office is downstairs in the Student Center. You can’t miss it walking down to the caf from the atrium; it’s dead ahead after that first set of steps. They’re there to help and they’re the pros. They’ll help get you through with no blood shed.
Having a roommate is not easy, but, it can be great. So many people room with the same person for most of their college career, so peace can be found. Look at the whole situation but remember, if you really aren’t meant to be, just like any relationship, you are not forced to make it work.