Ladies, meet Elijah P. Herman, the epitome of tumblr incarnate. A snappy dresser, poet, avid hipster music connoisseur, and general sweetie pie, Elijah sat down with me to answer a few questions as only a hipster of his calibur could: with irony and references to obscure music. I hope you enjoy.
Name: Elijah Herman
Class: Sophomore
Major: Marketing
Birthday: August 21, 1993
1. If I take a look inside your refrigerator what would I find?
Sriracha, foods that can be eaten with Sriracha, hummus, and foods that can be eaten with hummus.
2. If you were a t-shirt, what would your caption be?
“This is my Summer sweater”
3. Where would you go if you had a time machine?
I would travel back as far as I could go. Before humans existed, before dinosaurs existed, heck, before living things existed. I would then wander around until I found some substance to draw with that I was sure would survive through thousands of years without deteriorating. I would make my way to the nearest cave I could find, build a fire to illuminate the room, and then carefully, as if I were an artist, write “First” upon the cave wall.
4. How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?
*puts arrow into bow*
“Just one.”
5. If you could have one superpower, what would it be?
The ability to sit on anything.
6. What are you most attracted to in a person?
If you can make me laugh, take me.
7. What was the last song you played for yourself?
The last song I played for myself was “Skin of My Yellow Country Teeth” by Clap Your Hands Say Yeah. The last song I sung to myself (alright, the entire room) was “At least I’m Not as Sad As I Used to Be” by Fun.
8.If you could have any job in the world, what would it be and why?
I wish I was a slave to an age old trade, like riding around railcars and working long days (lord have mercy on my rough and rowdy ways).
9. If you won the lottery, what would you do?
I would buy my parents homes in the south of France, buy all of my friends nice sweaters and teach them how to dance, and finally build a house on the mountains making everybody look like ants.
10. If you were on a deserted island, which three things would you have to have with you?
1. Wi-fi
2. A zombie laptop (it never dies)
3. Angst