We all have that one friend who is always complaining about her boyfriend; he did this and that again or he did not come through with his plans, once again. But let’s be real, who hasn’t gone through a bad relationship? I am sure you have that one person that came to mind when reading that sentence. If you never experienced a heart break or a bad relationship, you eventually will. I believe it is a necessary learning experience for everyone. Finding yourself in an unhealthy relationship is one thing, but staying in that relationship is a whole other issue. The longer a negative relationship continues, the more damage it will do to you in the long run. So, to start off here are some signs that you (or a friend) are in an unhealthy relationship.
- No emotional support from spouse (Will turn to other people first before own spouse)
- Name calling
- Truly unhappy, but afraid to be alone or lack a support system
- Cannot identify ways you and your spouse positively influence one another but can identify negative ways
- No relationship security (constant breaking up)
- Dismissing of emotions
- Constant lying
- Relationship violence
- Blaming each other rather than accepting some of the blame and working it out
- Lack of communication
These are just a few of the many warning signs in a relationship that in no way can make it healthy to stay in. I am no marriage counselor, but I know for a fact that in a relationship you are supposed to bring out the best in each other. Be happy more than you are upset or angry, and encourage one another to be better. Every couple goes through rough patches, but when they are long term that is what is important. It is important to be aware of the long term impact that unhealthy relationships can have on your psyche and how to obtain the help that you need.The effects that a negative relationship can have on you include you viewing yourself through their eyes. If they are always name calling and talking down to you during arguments, those thoughts can stick with you, taking a toll on your self-esteem. Another major effect is the negative impact it will have on your ability to accept love from others who mean well by you. Having trust issues with those individuals in your life will cause you to always be suspicious of their sincerity and ruin your future chances for happiness, due to subconsciously expecting the same treatment.
Most people will stay in these types of relationships that cause them unhappiness due to something called a fantasy bond. A fantasy bond replaces acts of real love and affection with an illusion of affection, or what you believe is right. There is no longer passion or respect shown but you two stay in one another’s lives due to the possibility of being afraid to be alone. In a relationship a couple is supposed to relate to their spouse; however, when stuck in a fantasy bond, the two will operate as a unit but relating to one another becomes a matter of unhealthy routine.
The first and most important step in ending a toxic relationship is to be self-compassionate. There will be two types of people in your life. Those who will tell you that everything between you and your spouse will work out and get better; then there are those who believe that you are crazy and a weak individual for staying in this relationship. It is always good knowing that you have a support system and friends and family who care about you, but care for yourself and do what is best for you without listening to others. Self-care and taking care of your mental and emotional state are very important in life, do not stay in a relationship that is hurting you.