“May angels lead you in, hear you me my friends, on sleepless roads, the sleepless go may angels lead you in.” As I listen to this Jimmy Eat World song for the hundredth time, I start to think about you. Did angels really lead you in when your life passed too soon? Were you surrounded by loved ones and dead famous people when you floated through those pearly gates? I’d like to think you were. I’d like to think as soon as your suffering ended, you were wisped away to this beautiful place where the sky is always the brightest shade of blue, the clouds resemble cotton balls and the grass is more lush and green than you could ever imagine here on earth. I picture you up there in your high school football jersey, throwing your old pig-skin back and forth with Walter Peyton. No one deserved that jersey as much as you did.
There is never an easy way to say goodbye to a friend. When we are young, we feel invincible, untouchable, like the party will never end. When someone we love goes too soon, it is like a knife through the heart. Some of us know what it’s like to receive that phone call, the one that pulls the oxygen from our souls and breaks us down to our knees. The pain is so unimaginable that it feels as though the tears may never stop.
I think about you all the time, what you would have been, what you could have been. The passion that flourishes inside of a person before they know who they will become is the most powerful, unstoppable force. The light inside of you was so bright that everyone who met you wanted to stay inside of your glow. The memory of losing our friends too soon is almost too much to bear, but then you have to think, they are truly the lucky ones. I am so selfish to want you back in my life, wishing that I could just stalk you on Facebook and see how you’re doing away at school; watching you accomplish all of your wildest dreams. Then I remember, our friends we lost too soon get to live in their youth for eternity. Close your eyes and picture their glowing smiles, feel their big hugs, see their thick luscious hair and remember that they get to rest in that beauty forever. My friend, you will never have to experience the terrifying part of life that is adulthood, even though I wish you were here to comfort me. You will never have to experience another heartbreak, although I wish you were here holding my hand through all of mine. You will never know what it is like to lose a parent; I can’t even imagine how hard that would be. You will never pay bills, complain about taxes or lose your ability to do the things a young person can do. You are sunny days and long nights for all of eternity. The memories of our friends that passed too soon get to stay in the glory days forever. Although I wish for just one more dance, one more car ride, one more bowl of ice cream and one more deep conversation with you, in my heart I know that we never have to lose touch. The connection we have with our friends who passed too soon will always be there, you just have to dig deep.