When it comes to dating or relationships, I always find myself taking a very long walk off a very short pier.
What could I possibly mean by that? Well, in other words, I always end up with the shorter end of the stick. Still not making sense? I HAVE BEEN SCREWED OVER, USED, TAKEN FOR GRANTED, AND HEARTBROKEN MORE TIMES THAN FAMILY FEUD EPISODES I HAVE WATCHED (and that is a whole freaking lot.) I have decided to take Steve Harvey’s book, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, and create a list of the 10 most important things you need to hear and apply to your every day love life.
1. “Men respect standards- get some!” –S.H.
Probably one of the hardest things you needed to hear… and I’m not sorry.
Stop chasing after the boys who you ALREADY know don’t fit your standards.
2. “Know that if this man isn’t looking for a serious relationship, you’re not going to change his mind just because you two are going on dates and being intimate. You could be the most perfect woman on the Lord’s green earth-you’re capable of interesting conversation, you cook a mean breakfast, you hand out backrubs like sandwiches, you’re independent (which means, to him, that you’re not going to be in his pockets)- but if he’s not ready for a serious relationship, he going to treat you like sports fish.” –S.H.
Don’t be afraid to be upfront with him, either. You start catching the feels? Ask where things are headed or if things will ever get serious between the two of you. And with that comes…
3. “Your objective is to avoid being on a string.” –S.H.
I hate being led on just as much as the next girl.
Or have you ever thought to yourself that you lead yourself on the most? Stop imagining yourself with the guy who only wants to hangout with you incoherently on the weekends.
4. “Let him treat you like a lady and open the car door for you. If he doesn’t automatically open the door for you, stand by the darn thing and don’t get into the vehicle until he realizes he needs to get out of the driver’s seat and come around and open the car door for you. That’s his job!” –S.H.
Allow time for a man who will actually take you on a real date, not just buy your $2 Vegas Bomb. Need a refresher course on what you really deserve?
They pay for your meal, they take you to a movie. For Christ’s sake… they could even just buy you a cup of coffee at Einstein’s with THEIR flex dollars.
5. “Well, I’m here to tell you that expecting that kind of love— that perfection—from a man is unrealistic. That’s right, I said it—it’s not gonna happen, no way, no how. Because a man’s love isn’t like a woman’s love.” –S.H.
We grew up with fairytales, and sometimes I even struggle with the idea that I won’t ever find a “Prince Charming.” The one who is willing to kiss me to save my life, or fight off a dragon to rescue me from my tower. Guys like that don’t exist!
No man (or woman) is perfect, but find someone whose flaws are imperfectly perfect to you.
6. “Women want their love to be reciprocated in the same way they give it; they want their romantic lives to be as rewarding as they make them for their potential mates; they want the emotions that they turn on full blast to be met with the same intensity; and they expect the premium they put on commitment to be equally adhered to, valued, and respected.” –S.H.
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAS!
7. “Do not ignore your gift. Your gift is the thing you do the absolute BEST with the LEAST amount of effort.” –S.H.
And that is being yourself!
You know damn well that you’d rather spend your days cuddled up in your pajamas, binge watching Friends instead of taking two hours to get ready and hammering ten shots to make yourself appear (somewhat) interesting. Be who you are and Mr. Right will love you for that specific reason. If he doesn’t, I’d honestly rather be happy, alone, than settle and be miserable.
8. “I’m sure that if women laid out the rules- requirements- early on, and let her intended know that he could either rise up to those requirements, or just move on. A directive like that signals to a man that you are not a playing, someone to be used and discarded. It tells him that what you have- your benefits- are special, and that you need time to get to know him and his ways to decide if he DESERVES them. The man who is willing to put in the time and meet the requirements is the one you want to stick around, because that guy is making a conscious decision that he, too, has no interest in playing games and will do what it takes to not only stay on the job, but also get promoted and be the proud beneficiary of your benefits. And you, in the meantime, win the ultimate prize of maintaining your dignity and self-esteem, and earning the respect of the man who recognized that you were worth the wait.” –S.H.
Has anyone told you that lately? If not…
YOU. ARE. WORTH. IT.
9. “Just stop being afraid, already. The most successful people in this world recognize that taking chances to get what they want is much more productive than sitting around being too scared to take a shot. The same philosophy can be applied to dating: if putting your requirements on the table means you risk him walking away, it’s a risk you have to take. Because that fear can trip you up every time; all too many of you let the guy get away with disrespecting you, putting in minimal effort and holding on to the commitment to you because you’re afraid he’s going to walk away and you’ll be alone again. And we men? We recognize this and play on it, big time.” –S.H.
Don’t hate the player, and definitely don’t hate the game- play it better than they do.
That just means… refer to points 1-8!
Ladies: set some standards; make a man respect you, make him put in effort, and make him work for it. Once that is established, you’ll notice a change in the men who pursue you and the way you approach love and life as a whole.
10. “You control what you can control—your image, the way you conduct yourself, the way you let men talk to and approach you—and use that to get the relationship you want.” –S.H.
In the long run you are ultimately in charge. Do you want a long-term relationship? Apply this thinking to your every day life. Do you want to play games and mess around? Then this sort of approach will not work for you. You do not always have to think like a man, to act like a lady either- but it is crucial to understand what you truly deserve.