We’ve all been there—whether it happened while scrolling through Instagram, flipping through a magazine, or browsing an online catalog, or even glancing around at your classmates, we’ve all had those brief moments of jealousy and insecurity, thinking to ourselves: “Why don’t I look like that?”
This question is like a parasite. The first time we ask it, it plants itself in our mind, nibbling away at our self-esteem. Yet the more we ask it, even subconsciously, the bigger and stronger it becomes, gnawing on our last shreds of confidence until we have little to none left. And the bigger it gets, the harder it is to control.
In order to regain control of your mind from that parasite, you must attack it from all angles both mentally and physically. But to make things easy, we can condense this process into three steps. First is understanding that the “ideal” doesn’t exist, then expunging triggering material from sight, and finally coming to the realization that you are unique and perfect in your own way. True, this is all easier said than done, but you will notice that once you exterminate that dangerous parasitic question from your brain, you are guaranteed to live a healthier and happier life.
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Step 1: Understand that the “Ideal” Doesn’t Exist
At the end of the day, everything comes back to money, right? And this includes the destruction of girls’ self-confidence levels everywhere. Companies have realized that in order to make money, they must make advertise in such a way that their potential customers feel as if their lives are inadequate without their products. This is why the media has created “ideal” attributes in regards to a woman’s physique. With the image of this ideal look circulating around the world, popularized by actresses and models, advertising companies can pressure us into buying their products by asserting that if we do, we will fit the “ideal.”
Through advertising, we are fed subliminal messages that cause us to jump to the conclusion that we are not good enough the way we are. But if you do your research, you’ll realize that even the “ideal” women portrayed in television and magazines aren’t good enough the way they are. With a touch of photoshop and heavy makeup, any woman can be transformed into society’s “ideal.” This means that the role model we all strive to be, that “perfect” woman that commercials claim we can be just like if we only buy this one product, doesn’t exist. There are countless articles and videos online that expose this idea, showing the extensive photoshop methods used by companies everywhere and the extent to which companies will go to falsely advertise a certain look. Simply do a quick Google search for “false beauty advertising” and plenty of results will show up that show how fake some advertising campaigns truly are.
Being aware of this fact will make you realize that the media is at times just a facade. They have everyone out chasing the “ideal”, but the “ideal” doesn’t even exist. It was created in order to sell products by hitting as close to home as possible. And once you tell yourself that every time you feel inadequate while flipping through a magazine or watching TV, being faced with the pressure to be perfect will be increasingly more bearable.
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Step 2: Expunge Triggering Material From Sight
The phrase, “out of sight, out of mind” may be a cliche, but is undeniably true in this case. Exposing yourself to others who you know are going to make you internally self-conscious is unhealthy; it’s like picking a scab that hasn’t healed, causing it to inflame. If you already have insecurities, yet decide to follow someone’s Instagram account or look at photos of a model who happens to not have that insecurity, your thoughts will be filled with even more self-deprecation.
At some point you must realize that you will always have these insecurities, but forcing yourself to notice them by comparing yourself to others won’t fix them. The only way to get out of this habit is to simply avoid going out of your way to look at material that will trigger you to feel bad about yourself. This means unfollowing accounts on social media that spark jealousy (yes, this may mean unfollowing your favorite actress that you wished you looked like on Instagram) but in the end, your mental happiness is more important than your social media feed. This also means getting out of any habits that cause you to compare yourself to the people you see. For example, don’t sit down and watch the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show if you know you’ll feel worse about your body afterward and don’t hang posters of a celebrity all around your room if you’re going to wake up every day wishing that you looked like that person.
This doesn’t mean you have to avoid watching actresses in movies or that you have to unfollow everyone you think is pretty on social media, it just means that if you are purposefully seeking out the people in the world who are going to make you feel inadequate the way you are and like you are never going to feel good about living in your own skin. To come to terms with your own beauty, you must stop hailing the beauty of others to such an extent.
Photo Courtesy of UnSplash.com
Step 3: Realize That You are Unique and Perfect in Your Own Way
This, for some people, can be the hardest step. Coming to terms with your own beauty, nd learning to love your flaws is hard for some people, but it should be easier once you follow the first two steps. At this point, you should understand that nobody is perfect and everybody has flaws (even the models you worship on social media) and you should have replaced any triggering content with healthy content. Perhaps try following a few body-positive social media accounts or replacing posters on your wall with photos of you and your friends. Succeeding in these first two steps will make accomplishing the last step so much easier.
When it comes down to it, the only way that you can ensure that you won’t compare yourself to others is to accept your insecurities and love them. This means you must look in the mirror and confront your insecurities for what they are. No, your body may not be perfect, but no one is. You may not look exactly the way you wished you did, but you are uniquely you. Every atom of your being makes up the person you are today and if any of that was different, then you wouldn’t be who you are. You must love your whole self to be happy. Look in the mirror and tell yourself what you already love: maybe it’s your eyebrows, or the color of your eyes, or the length of your hair. Once you fully appreciate those parts, it will be easier for you to love the harder parts, the parts that maybe you don’t like as much: your imperfections. We all have them and they can either be our worst enemies or our best friends.
Once we come to terms with these imperfections and conclude that they make us who we are inside and out, life gets a little bit easier every day.
Cover Photo Courtesy of Freeestocks.org.