When I was in 8th grade, I began to cut myself. I was angry, emotionally charged, and maybe a bit depressed. As the new kid, it was hard to make friends and fit myself into the cliques that had been forming for years. Let’s be honest. Middle school is tough. Being 12… 13… 14… it sucks. Boys don’t make sense (I’m not sure they do now though), your body is doing all sorts of crazy things, and the dream of independence is right around the corner but still so far out of reach. Also, parents. Parents cause all sorts of confusion, frustration, and stress (sorry mom but… truth).
Let’s get one thing out in the open though. Cutting, self-mutilation as the professionals call it, is not an attempt at suicide. I have never wanted to end my life. Cutting is, according to the Mayo Clinic, “an unhealthy way to cope with emotional pain, intense anger and frustration.”
My cutting lasted into my freshman year of college. I worked through some things during high school and things got better. Much better. But college got a little crazy and it was the best way I knew to elevate some of those emotions.
For those reading this, I am in recovery (I’ll always be in recovery), but I am proud and happy to say that I have not cut in six years. Things do get better and working through recovery is one of the most difficult and challenging experiences but an extremely self-rewarding one.
Here are some strategies I’ve learned along the way and what cutting and my recovery taught me about myself, my strength, and my ability to get through things.
Be honest with yourself.There are limits to what you can handle. There is only so much time that can be spent with people and there are times where it is important to simply take a step back and have some me-time.
My recovery taught me that I don’t need to be all things for all people and being there for myself is so much more important than always being there for others. For my sanity and for my own stability, I need to make me a priority and I need to come first.
Believe in yourself.You can do it. You really can. Basically anything you try and do, you are capable of accomplishing. If you sent your mind on recovery and you are determined to work through things, nothing can stop you. Things do get better and you have to trust what got you here and trust that there is something to learn from every experience.
I don’t quite know what I believe in spiritually but I do know now that I can trust myself. There are times when doubt creeps in and feelings of worthlessness make me feel like I am not enough, and it is in these times that I trust what got me here and trust that I can work through it.
Avoid toxic people.Let’s face it, there are people in our lives that are just not good for us. It is ok to let go of them and it is ok to admit that sometimes it isn’t us, it is them. Those people that bring you down, the people that make you feel little and worthless, and those people that tell you that you can’t do something… it is ok to let them go.
Know your triggers.This is by far one of the most important aspects of recovery. It is important to know what triggers you down an unhealthy path to begin with and what you know to avoid so that you don’t end up on that path again.
It is ok to remember where you once were and it can be beneficial to look back and see how far you have come. The important thing is to not get drawn down that path.
If you or someone you know is depressed or cutting please do not hesitate to utilize the below resources.
For Hofstra University Students:
http://www.hofstra.edu/community/slzctr/stdcsl/index.html
Call: (516) 463-6791
After Hours: (516) 463-6789
Other Resources:
1-800-273-TALK (24-hour hotline if you are about to self harm or in an emergency situation)
TWLOHA.com (To Write Love On Her Arms: “non-profit movement dedicated to finding help for people struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury, and suicide”)
1-800-SUICIDE (hotline for people contemplating suicide)
1-800-334-HELP( Self Injury Foundations’s 24-hour national crisis line)
1-800-799-SAFE (domestic violence hotline)
1-877-332-7333 (Real Help For Teens’ help line)