This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at High Point chapter.
High Point University is a 12 hour drive away from the place I call home. Before freshman year, I had never been that far away from my parents. I was scared and worried (and excited at the same time). When I got to college, I immediately jumped into a relationship. We had been family friends for a little while and I did have feelings for hi. Looking back, I wish I had thought more about my choices. Don’t get me wrong…I never regret that time of my life. It brought me to the strong, independent woman I am today.
Freshman year is a time of extreme growth. You are trying to find your ‘place’ in this new setting, in college nonetheless. You’re making new friends, finding what hobbies you enjoy, and figuring out how to live in a new environment. I sat in my room most of my freshman year. I rarely went out on the weekends. I didn’t make much of an effort. Truth is, I depended on my boyfriend for everything. He was the person I’d eat every meal with, spend each night with, sit next to in class, all of that. Most people didn’t even know I existed freshman year.
But I don’t blame them.
I relied on him so much. I did enjoy being with him, but we quickly became comfortable. Your partner is supposed to be someone who builds you up and brings out the best in you. I wanted to be able to grow together, as well as separately, in a relationship. For Mike and I, our relationship became a crutch. It felt safe so I used it to my advantage. Many things scared me my freshman year of college. Instead of dealing with certain obstacles, I would run to him for protection. I spent most of my freshman year hiding.
Sophomore year, things began to change. I saw potential inside myself. I began writing for my school’s newspaper, hanging out with girlfriends, and I even joined a sorority. I was starting to see that I was my own person… and I happened to like that person. When you’re in a relationship, it’s important to analyze if your partner is the right one for you. Is the relationship bringing out the best in you? Or is it keeping you from flying? The saying, “I couldn’t live without you.” isn’t healthy. In a successful relationship, you may not want to live without that person but you are aware you can.
People didn’t know me as Carly. They only knew me as “Mike’s girlfriend”. Yet, I didn’t really even know Carly, nor did I give myself time to find who “Carly” even was. Looking back, I have changed tremendously from the girl I was freshman year and that’s because I decided to fall in love with myself. Truth be told, you need to fall in love with yourself before you can love someone else. By spending time alone, I discovered what I was looking for in a relationship. I realized that I’d be okay if I ended up as a cat lady (but hopefully, I won’t). I found out that I’m proud of the accomplishments I’ve made in life.
Take the time to date yourself before you date anyone else. What makes you smile? How do you react when someone ticks you off? Where are you the most vulnerable? There is no need to jump into anything because you have the rest of your life to explore. Guess who you’ll definitely be spending the rest of your life with? Yourself. So make sure that’s someone you love.
As One Tree Hill said, “Take a look in the mirror, is that the person you want to be? Or was there someone else you were supposed to be? Is someone telling you you can’t do it? Because you can. Believe that love is out there. Believe that dreams come true everyday because they do. Sometimes happiness is not from money or fame but it comes from the heart, and happiness, or the love of family. Believe that dreams come true everyday because they do. So take a look in the mirror and remind yourself to be happy. And remind yourself that dreams come true everyday because they do.”